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Help! We're always arguing about money

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 How do we stop arguing about money? (Photo: iStock)

Hi Chris,

Since before we were even married, my husband and I have always argued about money. And I would like those fights to stop!

Nothing else causes any real friction, but mention money and all hell breaks loose. How can we put that right?

Money Matters

Chris says,

Hi Money Matters!

Money is always one of the main reasons couples argue, mostly because it means different things to different people. So you will argue a lot less if you understand your financial styles.

Some people hate talking about money. Others are more open. Some are savers, others are spenders. Some people can never have enough, while to others it is just a commodity.

And all our money decisions are not only conscious, rational choices, but also unconscious, emotional ones. So your attitudes towards money reflect your most basic feelings about the world.

This means that disagreements about money often reflect deeper issues between a couple, such as power, status, independence and security. So explore what money means to each of you before you try to resolve your financial problems. Because understanding your feelings and attitudes towards money will help.

It would also be a good idea to lay all your financial cards on the table, including all your hopes and dreams. Maybe you want to study some more for example or buy a house.

So how might your ambitions be financed? Make a budget together, and discuss how to manage it; paying bills, individual spending money, savings, investments and so on.

Do not be surprised if changing things feels difficult at first, because eventually, we all come to realise that there's more to life than money. Instead, concentrate on building your relationship together.

Because paying plenty of attention to one another will add far more to your lives than even the most expensive houses or flashy cars. And learning how to manage your finances amicably will strengthen your marriage, which is the most valuable thing you possess.

All the best,


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