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Home / Between The Sheets

Is something wrong with me? I've not had sex with my husband for four months but don't know why.


Dear Coleen

Any advice on how to get into the mood for sex with my husband? For a while now I’ve had no desire to make love – I just don’t get the feeling for it and, when I try, it’s either too painful or I can’t climax.

This really isn’t like me as I’ve always had a high sex drive but now there’s nothing.

It’s not fair on my husband and I’m missing it, too.

The situation has been going on for four months now – any advice?

Coleen says

You don’t say how old you are but you could be in the perimenopause or going through the menopause. Go along to your doctor and explain how you’re feeling and if you have any other physical symptoms.

If that is the case, you can do a lot to make sex easier and even boost your sex drive.

Rebalancing your hormones with HRT could be an option and there are also oestrogen pessaries and lubricant, which can make sex less painful and therefore more enjoyable.

As we get older, making love often switches to being more foreplay-based and less about penetrative sex. Maybe you need to take the emphasis off penetrative sex and that might take some pressure off you?

There are lots of options – you just need to find the right one for you. If you’re feeling stressed and worried about it, that’s not going to help. Don’t panic and just be honest with each other, and hopefully that spark will come back.

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