Dating is fun, when you’re with the right person. You feel safe but you also get excited at the prospect of spending time together. However, when you’ve been in one bad relationship after another or, you’ve had a rather long dry spell, it can be tempting to give up the excitement and instead make do with safety. This is called settling.
I understand the mental and physical exhaustion of dating the wrong person. It’s enough to make anybody swear off relationships. While there’s certainly nothing wrong with being single despite what society will have us believe, you might want to reconsider your current partner if there’s no spark or you keep wishing for more.
Below are signs that you’re settling in your relationship.
1. Others’ relationships seem better than yours
If you feel like your friends’ relationships are better than yours, maybe it’s time to reconsider. Yes, comparison is the thief of joy but if you look deeper into why you think your girl has such a good thing with her man, you might find that there are things that you want missing from your relationship. For instance, it could be that they spend so much time together doing fun things or they always seem to be laughing and joking around and you wish you had that too.
2. You’re convincing yourself to stay in the relationship
Perhaps you’re unhappy and unsatisfied but instead of calling it quits you keep saying ‘at least it’s not…’. This could be a sign that you’re settling in your relationship. You shouldn’t have to convince yourself to stay in a relationship that isn’t serving you.
3. You brush off your differences
Okay, you’ve met someone, you click and yet, when the honeymoon period is over, you can’t stop noticing how different you are. It could be that you want different things or you have different opinions on what fun means. We all want a partner whose goals align rather than clash with ours. So if your differences nag at you, it’s time to address them and your relationship.
4. You justify your partner’s actions or relationship
If you’re constantly making excuses for your partner’s actions or trying to talk up how great your relationship is either to your family and friends or to yourself, that should be a sign that something’s not right. When you’re truly happy with someone it will show. You won’t have to talk it up to portray it in a good light.
5. You’d rather be in an unsatisfactory relationship than alone
Yes, society makes it seem almost criminal to be single. However, if you let this pressure get to you, you might find yourself unhappy and in a passionless relationship. You shouldn’t allow anybody to define you or bring you happiness. Find happiness from within. Learn how to enjoy being alone.
6. Small things irk you
Maybe it’s the way she chews her food or his habit of leaving his socks all over the place. These habits, though small, can build up and lead to an explosion if left unaddressed. If you’d rather ignore these small irritations rather than have a healthy discussion or fight, there’s probably something not right in your relationship.
You shouldn’t have to use words such as good enough, that’s the way it is or anything so subpar about your relationship or partner. Neither should you feel like there’s someone better out there for you. If you do, then it’s time to take a step back.