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Defining Motherhood in time of crisis

Living
 A mother and her children in downtown Nairobi (Stafford Ondego)

Today is world mothers' day; a time to appreciate motherhood.

There are millions of descriptions that attempt to define motherhood. Now more than ever, the caregiving role of motherhood is being tested.

Dr. Zabulon Yoti, the Regional Emergencies Director at World Health Organisation (WHO) notes that even though more men are getting coronavirus, the number of women in Africa dying from it is higher.

“They are caregivers. It is likely that they will interact more with the affected. It is biological and cultural,” he says.

In times of crisis, mothers take positions to protect the ones they birthed in pain. If one was to talk to all mothers in the world to describe motherhood, it will be like reading endless poetry about rising, falling, sorrow, joy and every possible emotion mashed together.

A section of mothers shared on what motherhood means to them as Sunday Standard celebrates mothers. 

Phylis Ouko

“Motherhood is being ready to make the ultimate. Nothing can stop you, not even the face of death. I am the woman on a wheelchair who was on national TV, yelling like a maniac. My daughter was trapped in that building during the Dusit attack. I camped there for many hours.

“I could hear gunshots. I knew I could not get in there to save her but I wanted to be there for my child.

“When I saw her getting out of that building and running towards me, I cannot describe the feeling that engulfed me.

Mothers know that feeling; of almost losing your child and getting them back. My children are grown, but I constantly worry about them.

In this time of Covid 19, I am always calling to remind them to be safe. I annoy them with my incessant calls, but it is what mothers do.

Amina Kazungu (mother of 11)

Motherhood is forgetting yourself. You give until you have nothing left. People ask if I remember all my children because they are so many.

Such a silly question. A mother knows. You remember even the ones you have buried. You carried them in your womb.

They are a part of you. For a long time, I believed using contraceptives was wrong. I got so many children. I do not regret.

Although we are poor, I know there is a president among my children. A doctor. A police officer. My children will be great when they grow up. With this coronavirus, we sleep hungry a lot.

Someone from government visited and took our details saying we might benefit from the coronavirus money.

They took copies of our IDs, but we have not heard from them. If you know anyone in charge of the money, tell them to remember poor mothers.

Dr Nelly Pato (frontline doctor for Covid-19)

Motherhood is stewardship. A never-ending responsibility of guiding your children and hoping that you are doing the right thing. The most heartbreaking thing happened recently.

One of my colleagues was in contact with a Covid 19 patient and we were all quarantined. I could not touch my children.

My little son would come to my door and weep. Such shattering sounds, hearing your child cry but you can do nothing. I cannot tell you the number of times I cried in that room. I am back to work in the rapid response team. I leave home early and come back tired.

When I return home, my children come running to me, but I cannot hold them until I take a shower and change clothes.

The look of confusion on their faces makes me sad, but I try to explain to them that things are now different.

Grace Wanunda (adopted her children)

Motherhood is love. You do not have to carry children in your womb to feel the love. It is love manufactured in the heart.

They are not biologically mine, but there is nothing I cannot do for them. I went through the adoption process, and they are mine. Let me tell you a secret; before I had my two babies, I never used to look at the mirror.

I believed I was ugly. People at work would tell me I am too serious. My self-esteem was low. Motherhood has changed me.

I am loosening up. I explain to them that I did not birth them, but God brought them to me. I hope to have biological children someday but even if it never happens, I am contented with the ones I adopted.

Jessica Mbalu (MP)

Motherhood is knowing when to stop. Politics can get dirty, and sometimes you get tempted to go with the flow. Motherhood stops you from doing something silly.

I am a mother of two teenage boys. They have access to media and they are very impressionable. I have to think about how my actions will influence them.

Politics is fleeting but motherhood is forever. I never want to mess my children. 

As a politician, I mother many other people because people are always reaching out. Sometimes, my children get envious of how close I can get with other children.

I get busy but I reassure them that nothing is greater than being their mother.

Palagie Niyukuri (refugee)

Motherhood is resilience. I fled from Burundi due to conflict. It was tough. I came with nothing but my six children and we were taken into Kakuma camp.

It has been a journey of rebuilding through the ruins. I am now a bodaboda rider. I add the earning I get from humanitarian aid with what I have from this trade to take my children to school.

It is a male-dominated business, but a mother does everything she can to ensure her children are safe.

You cannot afford to wallow in your past sorrows. You have to break that sadness by shining.

Elizabeth Maingi (visually impaired)

Motherhood is finding your inner self. A part of you that you never knew existed shows up when you become a mother.

I cannot see my son, but I have big dreams for him. I do not mother with sight. I do it with my intuition – my inner eye.

When I say he has been my guide, I do not mean figuratively. When he is not in school, he is around me, helping me try to figure my way around. It is just me and him.

I am happy. I feel him changing. My baby is growing. His voice is changing, he is soon towering over me.  My eyes are shut from that, but my heart beams with pride, about the young man he is becoming.

We are in Eastleigh now, on total lockdown. Sometimes, I get a little paranoid and imagine he might sneak out because I can't see him.

Then I remind myself that I brought him up well. He respects me.

Phenny Owiti (HIV positive mother)

Motherhood is knowing someone’s future depends on you. You cannot mess it up. It is positivity. I was born with HIV.

I have three children, and they are all negative because I adhere to my medication and followed the doctor’s guide when I was pregnant.

My last born is two months old. People kept telling me not to have babies but I wanted to be a mother.

My older children know I am HIV positive. We talk about it but I do not dwell on it.

What matters to me is to break the cycle and bring up a generation of HIV negative babies. Of course, there is that lingering anxiety when you are pregnant, but you keep the faith. 

I cannot trade motherhood for anything.

Muthoni Mwangi (son with stage four cancer)

Motherhood is courage. You may cry, get scared, feel a little bitter, but you have to be strong for your kid.

I still remember the doctor’s report, saying nothing much could be done about my son’s cancer. Oh my! You hear that and your heart just falls. It is your baby…

I did a lot of research, telling him to be strong. I grasped at everything. We have had very low moments. He could not walk, but I had to remind him to be strong.

It is financially draining, but nothing matters. I just want my child to get better. I am seeing improvements and it has made me believe in God's miracles.

When your child sees you not giving up on them, something stirs inside them.

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