What to do when you discover he has another family - Evewoman

Marriage Advice

What to do when you discover he has another family

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Maintaining a successful marriage can be challenging especially when one or both parties have secrets they are keeping from their spouse.

Although misunderstandings in a marriage can be as a result of many different factors, one of the most hurtful discoveries is when the wife discovers that her husband has been living two lives and has another family on the side.

As more and more of these unfortunate occurrences continue to be on the rise, as a wife it is good to know how to conduct oneself once you reach the realization that your partner has been lying all along and is a father to other children.

1. Remain calm

Finding out such bad news is enraging and might trigger tantrums that you would later come to regret. If the information was derived from a source, ascertain the legitimacy of the information. You should be aware that not everyone has your best interests at heart and thus could try to disrupt the little peace you have. Get to know whether your husband cheated, or if it was a one night stand that occurred long before you met. Before you confront him and raise hell, ensure you have enough proof.

2. Do not leave, yet

As much as it hurts, do not make a plan to leave your husband. This should be as a last resort if you become certain that you cannot play second fiddle to his other family or it becomes clear that your husband prefers to be with them rather than you. Consider that leaving might also put him out there for public humiliation and that, in turn, could expose your children if any, to the same consequence.

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3. Keep your distance for a while

When people share displeasing news, they usually have certain intentions, be they good or bad. It would therefore be helpful to first keep away from the person or persons that broke the news to you. No matter what their intentions were, you don’t want to make an enemy out of them for telling you the truth. This is also for your inner peace as looking at them will constantly remind you of how they changed your life.

4. Embrace good company

This is one of those times you would need a shoulder to cry on and no one better than the woman who birthed you. You can also get some consolation from other family members or close friends. While at it, you have to be aware that information might leak when you decide to share your plight with them. This can be tragic especially if you intend to keep the news on the low. If you are close to your mother, she would be the best company you would need during such a time. She would be the last person to want to see you get hurt.

5. Let it out

Crying is often presumed to be a sign of weakness and people would rather hold in tears than show that they are weak. Crying works to relieve tension and self-guilt. It gets us out of conditions that are beyond our control and eases off all the heavy load one would be experiencing. Let your tears fall down freely and go through the motions of pain. After having a good cry, you will feel much better and be able to establish what you want to do next.

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Remember that your husband might have his reasons for keeping his other family a secret. Even though you distrust him and don’t know what to do, allow him to explain himself. There could be more reasons for you to stay than leave.

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