Painful but valuable: Lessons from my teenage pregnancy

Now in her early 30s, Kami Kionga, founder of Her Butterfly Effect, a platform that speaks to girls about sex and self-identity, recounts the struggles of a road she has travelled herself.

When a KCPE candidate from Kitui County went into labour last year just before sitting her English paper, she joined numerous teenage girls either pregnant or had given birth within the exam period.

As a result, 2018 was a year with a record number of candidates reported pregnant. So great was the crisis that the then CS for Education, Amina Mohammed ordered a probe into early pregnancies.

Teenage pregnancies have been on the rise over the past five years. In a 2017 report by the United Nations Population Fund, over 350,000 adolescent girls aged between 10 and 19 became pregnant between July 2016 and June 2017.

But why do the numbers continue to grow?

Kami Kionga, speaks to girls about sex and identity through her platform Her Butterfly Effect. When asked what factors she considers to be contributing to the dilemma of rising cases of teen pregnancies, she responds,

“Some of these girls lack a strong sense of self identity. Many find their self-worth in whatever a man says to and about them,” she says.

She adds that there are thousands of underage girls becoming sexually active with few adults offering solid guidance on the repercussions of engaging in sex at a tender age.

She notes that teachers and parents need to talk about sex and be bold and frank about it. According to her, it is wrong for parents to place this responsibility squarely on teachers or the general society because a parent remains a key mentor in the life of a child.

In her experience of engaging teens on this subject, she notes that there is a whole lot that goes into having candid conversations with this age group, adding that one has to endeavour to deal with the underlying issues first before telling their teen, “You should not have sex because I said so.”

Kami recalls something her mother often said when she and her sisters were growing up, “No one gets pregnant under my roof, otherwise you will leave and go to your boyfriend!”

Kami’s mother’s caring attempt to deter her from engaging in sex in her tender years failed because she ended up having sex with her boyfriend.

“I remember my first sexual experience, it was horrible! It was nothing like I had seen in the movies! But because of my low self-esteem, I gave in to my boyfriend’s persuasions over and over again,” she says.

“Being a middle child, I felt rejected, I was looking for love and acceptance from the wrong avenues. My low self-esteem did little to help the situation,” Kami confesses.

“Every time I had sex with my boyfriend, I struggled with the fear of having gotten pregnant. The day got pregnant, I just knew. Something in me felt different,” says Kami.

She was 18 at the time and having been brought up by their mother, this was the last thing she wanted to deal with.

“I contemplated abortion but was afraid of dying. I then talked to my boyfriend who told me to keep the child but after he shared the same with his parents that was the end of that conversation as his mother would have none of it. No support would come from this quarter,” she shares.

Although things later turned out okay, Kami notes that the bare truth is that child bearing changes a teenager’s life 100 per cent.

“Having a child that one is unprepared for is tough, becoming a mum while still a teen, with no support from the father is indescribably challenging. My mum allowed me to go through university education but I had to work to fend for my little one. I often felt like I missed out on the whole campus experience,” she says.

Out of the challenges she went through as a teen mum, Kami developed a passion for talking to teens. She says young girls need a mature person they can have candid conversations with.

“I truly believe we as adults need to be bold enough to have intimate, unvarnished conversations with our girls. We all know teens will do what they want to do, but how many teens are equipped to make the choices they are making?

“As a Christian now, I do advise that one abstains until they are married...but I still talk to teens about unprotected sex and its effects and how one can deal with this. I give all the information and I trust that they will make an informed choice. It might not always be the right choice but it will definitely not be one made in ignorance,” she says.

It is the identification of a gap in mentorship that led Kami to start a platform to speak to young girls specifically about sex and developing a healthy self-esteem even as she talks to them on how to deal with peer pressure and discover who they truly are - their true identity.

As the programme director for Laja Trust, a registered organisation that runs mentorship and leadership programmes for children, adolescents and young adults, she advertises her meetings on social media to reach out to these girls and their parents.

“The truth is there is a gap and even though I may not solve all problems teens have, I will play my part, however small or great in solving this crisis,” she says.