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Men only: You need friends, not just a boys' club

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A lot has been made about Bob Collymore’s Boyz’ Club, since a famous local television anchor unleashed them LIVE on his talk show 10 days ago.

‘Do I have true friends like Bob Collymore did, who I would talk to when I was dying?’ many men are asking as they give their guy pals the side-eye.

Women, on the other hand, have always had friends in groups from time immemorial so it ain’t that much of a big deal. Think of those campus girlfriends, or even those girl crews from high school -- now in their 30s and 40s, but the three, four, five, six or even seven of them are still BFFs to date.

I personally know two such bands of best friend girl groups -- one from 2007, the other 1999.

I believed the World Champion USA team last Sunday when their captain, Rapinoe, said they are ’23 best friends’ in that squad (note – she did not mention the coach, because who is BFFs with the boss?)

Bob Collymore’s Boyz Club was just another ‘wolf pack’ of pals, except well-heeled boys in suits.

Many of us guys have those. The familiar mate (the Stanchart Oga), the quiet guy (Oigara of KCB), the loud guy (PK the politician), the popular boy (media boss PQ), the rich boy (the Kenyasian Scan Ad billionaire) and the clown pal, TV star Jeff.

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For example, I am in a group called ‘Mafans’ where we meet during EPL Saturday afternoons to watch games together, go for the occasional weekend road trip as ‘ma-boys’ (once every three months) and contribute to ‘matangas’ when death calls a relative, hospital bills, etc.

We even paid bail when one of our members, Zig Zags, found himself in remand after being caught on the wrong end of a government tender. During our meetings, whiskey and talk flows a-plenty, just like in Bob’s Tuesday Boyz’ Club meet.

What a man needs is to develop six separate personal friendships, not just being in a Group/Gang of Seven Men.

Monday – Work mate

Mondays are stressful days, but perfect for going out with your close colleague from work. Think about it! For most working folks, weekdays are spent at work, about nine hours in total, or 45 hours a week. Do lunches together, and once a month, go out for a Monday after-work drink.

Tuesday – Best friend

It should be the guy who was your ‘best man’ at your wedding, or the buddy, if you were to get married today, you would choose as best man. For some reason, Tuesdays are the designated days for ‘best mates’ (thanks to that film ‘Tuesdays with Morrie’).

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Wednesday – Lady’s night

Every guy should try to have at least one close FRIEND from the opposite sex. I have capped ‘friend’ because it CANNOT be someone you’re even vaguely sexually attracted to. This ‘lady pal’ is important for gender perspective. Meet up with her one Wednesday every two months.

Thursday – Childhood/School Friend

You need to keep in touch with your past, and not just through ‘Old Boys’ WhatsApp Groups. So think of your pal from childhood, or select one from your school or college days and invite them out one Thursday every three months. It will keep you grounded, as you see your journey.

Friday – Fun friend

Then there are those lads you just want to have a blast with -- the ones I call ‘my guy, Friday.’ These ones are to hang out with every alternate Friday, just to remember that life is for living.

Saturday – Hobby pal.

It is nice to have something you do, and hopefully enjoy, other than that which earns you a livelihood. A hobby of sorts, whether it is rallying, hiking, fishing, collecting Bitcoins, or poetry like me. One Saturday afternoon a month, when there’s no big game, hang out with fellow enthusiast.

Sunday – Partner friend

The seventh and most important lifelong pal you’ll ever have is your partner/wife. Make a day, once a week, even if it is Sunday, to just celebrate your friendship beyond stress/sex/etc. After all, chances are she is the one with the final say on whether you get a decent burial in Langata, or go out in a glorious billow of smoke in Kariakor.

 

 

The views and opinions expressed here are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Evewoman.co.ke

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