Bad boy: The other permanent man in your wife’s life

It has been a great one year or so but that suddenly came to an end last week when the biological father of Farrah, wanted to see his daughter. He had kept a respectful distance since the last confrontation, but he must have been overcome by emotion when he called Caroline and he said he wanted to treat them to a Sunday day out. Caroline somehow agreed to it, unlike in the past.

Caroline has grown and thus thawed. No bad words were exchanged. You neutered the man when you said you would take care of the school fees of his daughter to enable smooth running of your home affairs. He begrudgingly accepted.

So, last Sunday, Caroline took Farrah to meet her lawyer dad. Kids never choose their fathers. It is a sad fact that the lawyer will remain Farrah’s father, and you don’t know how she will turn out. Will she like her dad more than you? Will she be estranged, preferring her biological father to you, once she goes to college? Kids grow up differently.

You like Farrah and your wish is that the man would disappear from her life permanently. But the man looks as fit as a fiddle and is likely to live to see his 100th birthday. It just might be better to embrace him.

When they left, Caroline looked low-key excited and looking forward to the trip. This ate you up like the worst debilitating cancer. Farrah knows there is another dad and they have met a few times since you married her mother. You both agreed to be mature about it -- that denying Farrah the rightful access to her father is not natural.

Initially, you had said only the house help could take her to see her father. But his latest request was quite odd. Is it reasonable for the two parents to spend time together? But what will they be doing the whole day? What will they be talking about? You know that Farrah at some point will be immersed in a swimming pool, or some game in the amusement park. What will the two former love birds be talking about?

This may sound like childish, but your friend George who has a married baby mother laughed at you when you mentioned this.

“Of course, baby daddies have similar access to your wife’s servers. Don’t kid yourself…”

“But Caroline is very principled and can’t do that, you know. And she hates the man with a passion, he was very abusive…”

“Comfort yourself son…comfort yourself…,” George said, obviously mocking you.

That is your worst fear; that Caroline may rekindle her love for the lawyer. There is a theory that people who have slept together or dated before can always sleep together again should the opportunity surface. You have been together for three years and this is about the time when boredom sets in. Caroline may want to be adventurous.

Should you confront her and ask if she still has some residual feelings? The one thing worse than being insecure as a man is accusing someone falsely? That is some dangerous line to tread.

@nyanchwani

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