I hope today’s article finds you in good health and good cheer. I find myself thinking about the purpose of this column — to contribute to a happier, healthier sex life — and how that might be useful to you this festive season.
If you’re like most people, this can be a happy season yet fraught with many heavy interactions and inconveniences. For one thing, there’s all the shopping you need to get done — more so for those of you who have little children and want to give them a special time. In addition, there is the reuniting with family that you may not have seen much of during the year, including those with whom you may have a difficult relationship.
Still, there may be some pressure on the travel front — whether you’re traveling up country or traveling for vacation, it can be hectic, and on and on the season seems to go. It makes sense that your sex life may end up tossed to the side, forgotten and even replaced by all the doing that seems to accompany the season. If you’re one of those people/couples whose sex life suffers at the altar of the holidays, then this today’s article is for you.
If you’ve been paying attention to the messages in this column, I’m sure you will have noticed a theme; it’s imperative that sex is a priority and that it is fun. Today’s column is no different. In the spirit of the holidays this year, I encourage you to prioritise sex. Furthermore, this may be the perfect season to inject some unusual excitement and unexpected fun!
So there you are, trying to make sure everything that needs to be bought has been bought, that everyone has everything they need and that there are enough presents and food. This, while trying to balance out your wishes with the reality of your bank account in these tough economic times. No wonder you feel stressed! Solution? Make a budget, stick to it and reward yourself for sticking to it. To be clear, when I say “reward yourself,” I mean attach sexual rewards to every successful show of restraint that keeps you within budget. Found a great sale on chicken or flour that saved you a significant amount of money? Great! You get a kiss for every shilling saved, or perhaps you can combine several kisses into something more sexually exciting. The point is, make a financial budget and an accompanying sex reward plan. The silliness that will ensue should add some smiles and lightness to an otherwise drab situation.
I tend to notice heightened stress levels during the holidays. It is so significant that there are people who avoid holiday travel all together.
For those of you traveling for Christmas, how about adding some sexual incentives along the way? Anything from holding hands during the trip to kissing at every stop or banking kisses for every police check point you pass. It would give you something to look forward to instead of long roads and long queues for hours on end.
Treat these as little pieces of sex-candies you can (plan to) nibble on along the way or later when you have some privacy. There is no limit to your imagination so…imagine!
Wouldn’t it be great if all our families were feud-free, living lives of butterflies and rainbows? Yes it would. The reality, however, is that someone at that family gathering you’ll be a part of will have a problem with someone else. Perhaps it will be you who will be annoyed or irritated by another family member. Maybe you can’t prevent family feuds but perhaps you can invent silly new ways to cope with them. If, for example, you know that politics is a hot topic, you and your partner can choose to bank something sexy or sexual for every mention of a political person or idea. For some of you, this might require you to combine your sexual ‘gifts’ based on the number of political fights that explode (otherwise you’ll be reaping ‘rewards for all of 2019!) while some of you might only manage one or two rewards based on the calm nature of your family gathering. Whatever the outcome, you are bound to be the winners because you can always choose to connect sexually, as a reward for surviving the holidays altogether!
Turn the tide
Other little things you can do for each other that are likely to add to your sex life include giving the visiting a person you both love, a tour of your childhood haunts, carving your initials in a tree so you can revisit it over time, and perhaps even bring your children along for the ride. You could also help your partner with some particularly tedious, boring task which would communicate love and care for them. You could even go out of your way to connect with a difficult family member so your partner can get a break and catch their breath. The point is keep making an effort towards each other and towards the relationship whether clothes are on or off.
I love to encourage readers to realise that good sex doesn’t just happen. Maybe in the beginning it does but in the long run, it requires tending to and the same — or more — effort as you would give to your job or other important aspects of your life. I also encourage you, dear readers, to cultivate a sense of fun around your sex life. It need not be this awkward, tedious thing that you have to do. Starting today and moving forward, you can “choose” to let your sex life be a fun, silly and exciting part of your life. You only have one life to live, so live! I wish you a wonderful Christmas full of all the things that make your life glow, including sex!
Maggie Gitu is a Marriage, Family & Sex Therapist.
She can be reached at [email protected]
and via her Facebook page: Maggie Gitu
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