A baby was left at our doorstep, could it be his?

I am married and have been blessed with two children.

Ours has been a small and happy family with the normal day to day challenges but we are happy.

Beginning of December we woke up to find a two-month baby at our door step. We have been in shock since then and the police advised us to keep the baby until they find a solution.

We are yet to come into terms with this but we are doing our best to take care of the baby. I don’t know what to do but my prayer is for the police to find the woman responsible for this as I can’t imagine raising a child I know nothing about. Please advise me.

{Stella}

This goes beyond normal behaviour and general human instincts. Yes, indeed it is highly unlikely that a woman would carry a baby to full term, deliver the baby and take care of her for a few months then dump the child at someone else’s doorstep.

We may be reading too much into this but I believe that there may be a little more going on here than meets the eye. If the baby’s mother was just out to get rid of the baby, she would have as well left her by the roadside or anywhere else. This is not the typical casual dumping of an unwanted baby but a carefully orchestrated plan.

However, you are both disturbed about this but this may be for totally different reasons. There is relatively high possibility that the baby may not be as strange to him as he is to you. The thing about this possibility is that it is either zero or 100 per cent that he is the father of that child.

This is a conversation you need to have with him. Ask him if there is anything he knows about this and give him a chance to come clean on this and be careful not to threaten him with dire consequences if things are exactly the way we think they are. The suspicion, uncertainty, tension and confusion will drain you so fast and it could actually lead you into depression.

This is not necessary since it takes just a day or two to confirm your suspicions and there are many ways to skin this cat. To get the desired results you should approach the issue with caution and wisdom. He needs to clear his name. This does not necessarily mean that you don’t trust him rather it will pave the way to discuss solid causes of action for the way forward.

A paternity test is an authoritative solution towards eliminating all doubt about this matter. In pursuit of the truth, be prepared for both good and untenable answers as it may go either way.

Most reasonable testing facilities will provide for counseling before and after the test because both outcomes will have repercussions. It is a good thing that you decided to keep the child and sometimes people have raised such children literally as their own.

The trouble is that someday her mother may show up and demand to have the child back which can be traumatising for all parties involved. Seek advice from the children’s department on the pros and cons, procedures of keeping the child and other options open for you.

Simon is a relationships counsellor who helps couples face the hard truth towards finding reasonable solutions for their problems