Top first date put-offs

I will never, ever date or marry a sales lady. It is like in the class of Sales 101, the first thing they are taught is to try to sell products to their best friends. Woe unto you if you are a man seemingly with disposable income in their estimations and you are trying to seduce them. I will pass on any sales lady. No, even if she was hotter than Megan Good, more electrifying than Gabrielle Union, I will skip.

There is something annoying about a woman trying to sell you an insurance policy or trying to recruit you into GNLD ranks, as she sips the expensive coffee or wine you are buying her on the first date. Or those who try to recruit you into their church or sect.

Recently, I invited a beautiful lady to a swanky restaurant. For the first 20 minutes, she tried to sell me a bank loan, using all the clichéd marketing vibe that served to put me off, I felt like tearing her delicate wrists with a broken wine glass. When I told her I’m not interested in her loan, it is like the date was over. She zoned off, and left me there trying to speak to myself.

There are those who will bitch about how their MA is weighing them down. How some lecturer is mean, ‘it is like he is being frustrated by the wife’. Or why the lecturer made her rewrite her entire thesis, when she saw some of her colleagues that had written worse stuff. Come on Mr Lecturer, make her redo it. Your studies, must never ever form part of the discussion on the first date. A mention during introductions is enough. No man pays for a meal in order to listen to stuff about badly done assignments and pesky tutors. Deal with it on your own.

Consider those who seek career advice on the first date. Like seriously, you paid for her cab fare, you are buying her a meal, and possibly paying for her cab fare back and the topic she wants to broach up is whether she can change from bank A to bank B. I’m never particularly fond off, women with careerist inclinations. They will not give you a chance to put in a word in edgewise as they go about listing the merits of job A as opposed to job B. They know exactly what they want but will insist on bogging you down with their painful indecisiveness.

There is that category with a capacity to say daft things. The clueless. The one who will say something that will shake the core foundation of your humanity. Like this one who told me that she is a big fan of Nicki Minaj. Or the one who takes wine but dances to riddims or any other Jamaican nonsensical music. This is the woman, even though beautiful, totally lacks class and can embarrass you in front of the boys, you have to write a personal apology and promise that you will never ever embarrass them again. It’s Mark Twain who said that it is better to keep quiet and let people imagine that you are bright than speak up and confirm their fears.

There are those who play with the food and leave it unfinished. Or those who order pricey cocktails and wines, just because they suspect you are ‘chumed’. Or those who nag the waitress. ‘Mara’ the samosas are dripping too much oil, ‘mara leta tea bag ingine’, ‘mara’ this juice is not fresh...

More annoyingly are those who try to audit your life intrusively, you will think they are KRA, all in a bid to know what you earn.

Any woman who engages in the above will be lucky to receive another call from the man. Try and be creative. And for heaven’s sake get your eyes off that damn phone. Lady!

@nyanchwani

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