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The downside of dating an overly beautiful girl.


I’m not a possessive person, but I know when someone is clearly trying to pick up my girlfriend. She gets very angry and calls me “insecure”

Dear Coleen

I’ve been with my girlfriend for a few years now. She’s very beautiful and gets lots of attention (which is fine) but whenever a guy hits on her, in some cases in front of me, I get upset.

And she always takes the slimeball’s side, saying he’s just being nice.

One guy actually interrupted our dinner date and she left me at the table alone for 20 minutes as they flirted and chatted at the bar. It was as if I didn’t exist.

I’m not a possessive person, but I know when someone is clearly trying to pick up my girlfriend.

She gets very angry and calls me “insecure”, but then talks about how her ex was so good-looking and confident which then makes me even more worried.

She’s also in touch with most of her ex-boyfriends, which I’m reasonable about, but it makes me uncomfy and she knows that.

If I say anything about it at all, I have to back down or we end up arguing.

I really love this woman, but over the years I feel she’s crippled my confidence and then criticises me for not being confident. I’m not sure what to do any more.

Coleen says

Don’t put up with it – the most insecure person in this relationship is her! What she’s doing is creating scenarios where you feel jealous and end up rowing.

Some people thrive on winding up their partner because they want that reaction – it makes them feel more confident and secure and that they’ve got you where they want you.

I can tell by your letter that you almost feel ridiculous and paranoid.

You’re not.

If your girl gets up from the dinner table and spends 20 minutes at the bar chatting with another man, that’s simply not acceptable and, if I were you, I’d make sure I wasn’t there when she got back.

I’m not saying she can’t talk to other men or have male friends, but she’s crossing the line.

You need to create boundaries that you’re both happy with. If she doesn’t accept that, tell her she has to make up her mind about whether she wants to be single or if she wants to be with you – if she chooses the former, at least you know. If she truly loves and respects you, she will compromise.

But act now because if things carry on, you won’t have any confidence left.


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