A while back, I tackled the topic "why do women cheat?" I must admit that the response has been overwhelming, both from men and women sharing stories, on how they have been mistreated, betrayed, destroyed and devastated as a result of the cheating spouse. Several men were devastated about their cheating wives and have been unable to heal from the pain. Nothing has the potential to devastate a relationship than cheating. It erodes the relationship of its basic fundamentals, the foundation of trust and fidelity. What happens when they both covenanted to love, honor and be faithful to one another for as long as they both shall live?
According to Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist with Rutgers University and author of the title Why Him – Why Her, says women, tend to have an emotional connection with their lovers and are more likely to have an affair because of loneliness. Research indicates that while men can enjoy a happy, fruitful relationship and still have an affair, women tend to cheat only when they are unhappy in their relationship. Women cheat for a variety of reasons.
Angela and her husband John had just moved into the city, they had no friends nor family a totally different experience from the town they lived where everyone was family. The husband worked long hours and travelled a great deal, technically, Angela was a single mother in a marriage. She endured long evening hours alone and craved for the touch of her husband. Sex was a thing of the past and even when her husband returned after a long stay, he paid no attention to her physical needs. She was frustrated, and felt unwanted, unloved, unattractive, a young woman whose partner was not intimate with her.
Angela was a beautiful young woman and many would have paid anything to have her but she was not interested, to stay engaged and fruitful, she choose to enroll in a gym where she lived, working out boosted her self-esteem and body image, her body taking shape, her mind becoming clearer and oh yes the gym instructor paid a great deal of attention, eventually affirmation and affection became the order of the day and she says she loved it. I could not wait to get to the gym just to receive the doze that had become my tonic. Before long, a smile and suggestive touch provoked me and the rest is history, she said.
Women cheat for various reasons, one of which is carving for emotional connection.
Craving for Emotional Connection
Women desire emotional connection and get caught up in the jaws of infidelity in search of the same. Helen Fisher, says men are more likely to cite sexual motivations for infidelity and are less likely to fall in love with an extramarital partner. Women, she says, tend to have an emotional connection with their lover and are more likely to have an affair because of loneliness.Fisher has found that 34% of women who had affairs were happy or very happy in their marriage. 56% of men who had affairs were happy in their marriage.
The desire for the emotional connection breeds emotional infidelity. Emotional infidelity refers to behavior that a partner engages in that fosters emotional intimacy with someone other than their partner. Usually secrecy is maintained when there is a clear mutual interest or attraction. They spend unaccounted time together sharing lunches, flirtatious communication and quality time. They justify that there is no sexual engagement so the relationship is above board. It is worth noting that emotional affairs are far more challenging than sexual affairs as they gradually create a bond that causes emotional distance and separation from their partner.
Although emotional infidelity begins with simply cheating at an emotional level, more often than note, the relationship slowly graduates to a passionate sexual relationship that leaves significant others, lonely, and devastated. Usually the partners of the cheaters are in disbelief, unable to face the reality. Am reminded of a wise saying that the grass next door is just as hard to cut. Work on your intimacy levels and thrive in your relationships.
The writer is a Relationship Coach and Author, |Marriage Built to Last. You can reach her on; www.jenniekarina.co.ke