'Monster'-in-law? Signs that you have a toxic mother-in-law

Don’t most women find it more than a daunting task dealing with their in laws and especially mothers-in-law? This is a subtle and niggling area. Some are true meaning to sweet but can also be haughty and possessive because there is a lot of power struggle involved. Fighting for attention of your partner can easily degenerate into cynicism and acrimony. This can also happen with the wife’s mother or with her parents, though this is least frequent.

Takes control of your partners

Mothers have a lot of powers over their children and still think they have the same authority even when they are adults. They have taken the role of parents too far into your partner’s adulthood. She is critical of his decision making even when he is doing well for himself.

No boundaries in her demeanour

Setting boundaries is not easy and you and your mother-in-law are probably always at odds and knocks with each other. No respect to your separate lives, shows up unannounced, stays too long and assumes you are going to spend a lot of time with them. They may also be dictating personal decisions such as wedding plans, bedroom decisions, names of your progenies and even your career.

Never misses and opportunity to let you know you are not good enough for her child.

The innuendos could be passive, aggressive or masked by ill coated half-baked jokes that leave a not-so-good aftertaste. Comments on your appearance or your life choices are punctuated with flagrant negativity and it matters not your echelons and humble struggles that you may cherish. You fall way behind being any better for her treasurable baby son, your dear husband. Don’t you both love him?

Creates secret social media accounts to spy on you

Undoubtedly an obsessive level of trolling. Sweet mom knows about your escapades and circle of acquaintances. Thou shall not post any discordant and belligerent opinions, keep it all closely guarded. You feel caged with an ever-present feeling of big-mother watching!

Controls your parenting

Judge and jury quick to anger. You are an infant in motherhood and the endless list of Don’ts is her new nickname. Your tots adore her and every opportunity to drink from the wisdom pot of grandma’s tales is prised. 

Blows hot and cold in equal measure

When you are in the room with other people, they are nice and the ultimate description of petal soft nice and inclusive but when left alone with her, that there is a genuine connection is contestable.

Purposely excludes you

When you get to learn about planned family dinners and meetings the night before, take a chill pill and make the best of it. At least you were informed. Other times you would not be part of these gatherings and inevitably become a subject of abject blame for all unrealised dreams, family feuds and looming financial ineptitude.

Whatever her potion of this toxicity, beware for you are the next mother-in-law!