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Life and Leadership Coach, Thomas Omollo has counselled several couples in his career.
"A marriage is full of so many things; the kids, the mortgage, the in-laws, the financial commitments. Most people find themselves lost inside a maze that they don't recognise anymore."
Thomas says people who stray do it for three main reasons; sex, intellectual and emotional connection or escape and adventure.
"Marriage, like all unions in life goes through four stages— forming, storming, norming, performing. The most volatile stage is of course the storming stage. Few are well equipped for this and when they are constantly fighting or disappointed in their partner, they assume they picked the wrong person to be with. Sure, sometimes this is the case but mostly, people just need to learn how to handle each other."
Thomas asserts that society can be brutal and so no one wants to admit their challenges. "Many people are silently screaming. Then they meet someone who is going through what they are going through. It's inevitable that they will connect."
Both Ken and Eli are much younger than the married women they are dating but despite the age difference, they seemed to gel perfectly.
"This is natural," Thomas says, "A man's first experience is his mother. She is the strength in the family. She takes care of him, fights for him. When a young man meets a married woman, she embodies many of these traits because she has done the same thing in her own home."
He however warns that most women eventually choose their husbands. It could take years or it could take months. All it requires is for the man to reform.
"These men who are having affairs with married women need to do one of two things, either make it honourable, which is to come out and tell the truth or, step away," Thomas says.
Of course telling the truth in such situations is never simple, because many lives are affected and the repercussions are staggering. But stepping away clearly is not an easy option either or more people having affairs would have done it.
Thomas agrees and says the question anyone who is in this situation should ask is, "Ten years from now, will I still want this person? Will they still want me? If the answer is no, then the risk and complication isn't worth it. If the answer is yes, then find a way to make that relationship open and honourable."
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