If you have been on the dating scene for a while, you have probably experienced a bad case of the ‘dates.’ You go out with a guy for the first time and no sparks. Not even a flicker.
Or maybe your date turns out to be a monumentally boring creep with unsightly facial hair, a far cry from his Facebook profile picture.
Whatever the case, you are stuck with a guy you are repulsed by and are wondering if you should suffer through the date or hightail it out of there.
If you are like me, you would have no qualms spelling it out for him that he is a repulsive freak and you would much rather go watch paint dry than spend another second with him.
It sounds a tad harsh, but it is way better than excusing myself for a bathroom break then making a break for it.
Anyway, for you sissies out there, I have come up with some savvy tips to help you get out of a bad date.
1. Your ‘Aunt Flow has given you a surprise visit
This one is a sure winner. Tell him that you are starting to get some really bad cramps so you need to head home and curl up in bed with a hot water bottle.
Guys are squeamish about menstruation. Mention it and he will settle the bill faster than you can say “Jack Robinson.”
If he is still not getting it, go into gory details. Tell him how your heavy flow is soaking right through your tampon.
The best thing about this excuse is that it ends the idea of sex after the date.
We have all feigned sickness to get out of a job or an exam, so it should be a walk in the park for anyone.
You can never go wrong with food poisoning. It is ridiculously easy to pull off. Moan and groan while clutching your stomach, then start complaining of nausea. Make it look as authentic as possible, but don’t scare him into calling an ambulance.
3. Good ‘ol emergencies
It is an old trick, but it works like a charm. Have a friend call you and then put on an Oscar worthy performance. Be like, “What! Grandma fell down the stairs?! I’ll be right there!”
Most people have a soft spot for grandmas. There are a million believable and heartbreaking reasons you could use. Just be creative.
4. Wardrobe malfunction
‘Accidentally’ break the heel of your shoe or pour some wine on your dress.
5. Scare him to death
This is a last-ditch effort when all else has failed. Tell him about your distorted body image, your five-year battle with anorexia, your daddy issues and whatever else that will make him run for the hills.
Also, bring up your ex in every sentence.
For example, if he says he needs to drink some water, say something like, “You know who else drinks water like you? John!”