I'm guilty of double dealing but here's the catch

I am 20 and confused because there are two nice men who are chasing after me and I don’t know which one to accept. One is aged 23, he is Korean and handsome and I think I like his looks also because we may have beautiful children. However I don’t think I am in love with him. The other guy is 25, dark-skinned and still handsome. I like his character and personality but I don’t think we can have beautiful children together. I think I love him but I am not sure if I should go with the younger guy for the sake of our children. Please advice...{Daisy}

Your Take:

Daisy, it’s clear that you aren’t ready for a relationship if all you are thinking about now is children and how they will look like. Get to know who you are and be confident in yourself then you can begin to appreciate what you want in a relationship as an adult.

{Joyce Wangui}

Remember any person who chases two birds fails. You are too young and all you should be thinking about is your career. On the other hand if all that are married were to take the same direction you took, then we wouldn’t even find the right people to marry. 

{Onyango Outha}

Daisy, you are surely confused as you state. First, you are actually playing both men yet you claim to be in love with both but are not sure who the best is? Children are gifts from God and only he can control how they look.

Do not assume that you can change this as this is genetic. You know where your heart is. Reflect on what you want in your marriage and in your life. Follow your heart regardless of race, age, or even money.

{Ouma Ragumo}

Daisy, you don’t fall in love with someone simply because of their looks. Marriage is a lifetime decision and the moment you get into it, it takes a lot to get out of it. Once you get into marriage, it is till death do us part. When you are getting into such a situation then you had better be sure that this is what you want. Do not follow looks because they are not all that important when it comes to marriage.

{Fred Jausenge}

You need to prioritize on what you want in a marriage and this should be love and understanding. This is essentially because marriage is a lifetime commitment. Go for what you feel will make you happy later in life. Remember you can have beautiful children but with a miserable life if you are stuck with the wrong person. And who said the dark skinned guy will not give you beautiful children?

{Alfred Kitur}

At 20 you may be still very young to understand marriage. However, if you are looking for a long time partner, then go to the man you love. Marriage is not so much about children as it is about love.

{Sylvester Odhiambo}

According to my understanding children are gifts from God. Choosing to marry someone because of your expectation of beautiful children might be a misplaced priority.

{Charles Olanya}

Counselor’s Take:

Daisy, this situation is quite alright for a girl your age. I must however say that you are very ambitious to be thinking about the kind of children you are going to have. At 20 there are many other things you could be thinking about some of which include getting some college education, getting to understand your real identity and designing the path of your life.

I will be straight putting it to you without fear of contradiction that children are several years away from you. If you actually got children say in the next 1-2 years, you would actually start missing out on many things in your life which may include among others the freedom of your youth, ability to pursue your career dreams through education and the greatest loss of choice when it comes to your life partner (a husband).

For now, there are probably the first two men you met and are dating.

By settling for a serious relationship now, you may be settling for much less than you may want. Having dated as few guys as you would in your age you think you have seen it all but with the abundance of this life, you have not seen anything yet.

You think what you have is the best but when you get to explore different people you will find many other qualities some you even knew existed but will really come to value. Some things in life, you can only learn through experience and with the passage of time. At this point all these may not seem important to you but it will one day come to be.

However, I will also discuss this situation you are in to help you decide on what to do. You are spoilt for choice – a rare and wonderful privilege. So one guy is Korean and the other is a dark and handsome Kenyan. But you like the Korean because you think you will have beautiful children but love the other guy because of his character and personality.

These are all valid points but later on when it comes to choosing a partner in your life, go for the person you can actually live with – not one who will give you beautiful children. Yes, your choice of partner may to a certain extent determine how your children may look like but it is not a guarantee. One day – when you get children, you will realize that all children are beautiful. Also when it gets to marriage the children will always be there but the most difficult thing is living with someone you don’t love and this is regardless of how your children look. Make your decision based on the more solid qualities. {Taurus}