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Ladies beware! Here are four things you should never say to your man

Lady Speak By Scophine Aoko Otieno
Girl Don't go there: Photo; Courtesy

Women don’t need to be muscular to fight. Our wars tend to be more verbal and the venom from a woman’s tongue-lashing could be worse than a viper’s bite. Woe unto you if you find yourself in the path of a woman’s wrath. These are some of the verbal attacks women should spare their men:

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Don’t compare him with your ex:  Well, at least not loud. You can always make that comparison in your mind. No man would want to hear that a fellow guy is superior to him, in whatever department.

“You know Tom used to rub my feet. You do not know how to treat a lady!” Shush, woman! That is not how to put it. How about, “Darling, I would really love to feel your magical hands rubbing my feet.” Simple. That will get him working on your feet better than he polishes his car!

Your ex might have had a bigger chest, fatter wallet, better manners, and was a real stud in bed. But you are not with him now, are you? So, drop that baggage and work on your current flame.

Don’t belittle his financial status: A man’s lifeline is his ego. Even those who are more like pussies want to believe they are fearsome lions. Just massage that darn thing. A woman who has mastered the art of stroking a man’s ego will have him eating from the palm of her hand and he’ll do anything to please her.

“Mwanamume ni mfuko” is a saying that men know too well. Nothing puffs a man’s confidence than the bulge of his wallet. If his is as voluminous as the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, he would have a spring in his step and approach the table of men with an air of assurance.

 But a man with a tissue-thin wallet without a cent to his name to even buy you a chewing gum is a timid wreck. The last thing you want to do is rub it in his face that he is a broke ass.

“Real men take their women on holiday overseas, yet you can’t even afford to treat me to a miserable cup of coffee for my birthday!”

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 Please don’t go there my sister. The next time he happens on money, that bugger is going to drink it all with his friends and generously tip some barmaid for just laughing at his dry jokes. After all, you consider him useless, ama?

Cases of women denying their broke husbands a roll in the sack are not uncommon. These women will not just nag, but come to an inch of physical confrontation at the slightest provocation, just because the poor guy has fallen on hard times.

Even neighbors can tell when the man is broke: “Ukiona hao wakipigana, ujue huyo mwanamume hana pesa,” they would whisper. It’s surprising how the same woman would be proudly talking of “my loving husband” if the guy gets a windfall.

Don’t make fun of his poor performance in bed: Some men are just lousy lays. It would be all over before you can even say ejaculation!

So, there you are, left with an unfulfilled longing and a rage that could push you to strangle the snoring excuse of a man beside you. However, some women have too much expectation.

Just because you watched a movie in which a woman was held against the wall and the man kept going at her like a piston doesn’t mean that happens in real life. It’s a movie...duh!

If he is a one-minute man whose ride gets punctured when you are just readying yourself for a rollercoaster, talk to him.

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 Try and find solutions to remedy the ‘Johnny-come-quick’ problem. Please, don’t share your sexual frustrations on WhatsApp, Facebook or in chama meetings.

Calling out another man’s name when he hits the sweet spot:  If you are a ‘fisilet’ and he’s not the only man in your life, you know the rules. No names please...when whoever is doing it just right, stick to “oh, baby!” no matter how good it gets,

Drag his mother in insults:  So your man came home late high as a kite. You are super mad at him and feel like kicking him in the groin. Then he asks for food and you blurt it out, “Si uambie mamako akupikie!”

Oops!  Girl, do not under any circumstance try that at home! If you must insult him, deal with him as an individual, no need to drag his mother or clan into it. Men and their mothers are like women and their fathers.

The sure way to lose a man is to throw in his mother’s name every time you have a fight. Now, dear sisters, you just need to be smart. After all, men are like farms...what you sow in them is what you reap.

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