What to do when your mum dislikes your future wife

Three years ago, you introduced this young woman to your mother as your future wife. There was even a wedding on the cards. Your mother seemed to have taken an instant liking to her, and your father was more than happy about your idea of a good wife. The girl, Lucy was her name, was charming and everyone in your family liked her instantly.

But one day, you woke up and discovered you had zero interest in her. Something in you just died. You ghosted her and you are sure, she never quite forgave you. But you decided to let her go rather than waste her time with false hopes. No one, not your family or friends forgave you.

Your mother was livid. Your dad told you, "good women such as Lucy are not easy to come by". Your friends said you would never find a woman as good as Lucy. Sad. True to their word, character-wise, you have never found a woman as kind, gentle, humble and harmless as Lucy. But life has to go on.

Now, the one you have identified as a potential wife has been grudgingly accepted but your mum is not overly enthusiastic about her. You have seen the two engage, but the chat is perfunctory and the two women are too alpha to stand each others other company.

There seem to be an unspoken mutual agreement between the two that they will never get along. You remember meeting Carol's mother, who is equally strong and independent minded and you wonder how best they will get along. Life.

Carol seems to have made her peace that not all relatives, least of all her future mother-in-law may accept her wholeheartedly. But you know her, she will keep it professional. In your heart, you know, your mother is only happy or just relieved that finally you have seen the light.

And your father is just cool that you are getting married anyway, and the woman took her time to come to a funeral deep in the village and has stayed on to help with the chores, if only to get to know the family.

On your way back to the city, you do a quick postmortem of the encounter and Carol generally has a positive review of your family.

"You have such a wonderful and supportive family..." she says. She offers no particulars. "And your bundus is quite super, very nice place to unwind, you know," she goes on. No doubt about that. You are glad, that you have put that behind you. She has met your family, and you will be waiting for the feedback.

There will be petty aunts who will question her cooking skills. There will be pesky relatives who will be overly worried if she will host people in Nairobi, given her very patrician demeanour. Rural folk are always afraid of overbearing, professional women. They unnerve them, and can start saying pretty bad things about her.

But you have made a significant step in your life. Another chance to meet her people and negotiations can begin. For now, you are wondering how your people will handle the news that Carol has a child!

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