This is how to best relate with her
To the freshly married man,
You've at last quit the bachelorhood. The stunning lady you went to great extents in charming and winning her heart is finally your wife! You publicly proclaimed your fidelity and faithfulness to her when you walked her down the aisle.
You can take that backseat with a mug of tea she just made you and relax with a wry grin on your face reminiscing on all this. Alas! There's more to this.
You're not going to make your marriage sound like an evolving and experimenting humanistic institution but a proper marriage. How you relate with your spouse is what will determine the direction your marriage is headed to.
How will you react, for example, when someone makes remarks about your wife in your presence? Will you defend her, say something about her or simply laugh off the issue?
Being gentle and patient with your spouse is what you'll learn to be. You'll mind every word you say for the sake of a harmonious marriage.
You'll not shatter her emotionally by saying heartless words to her or by your actions. If, for example, she ruins food, would you be grateful to her for her efforts or explode like a Sumatran volcano telling her you would prefer your mother's cooking to hers?
You're not going to look at your spouse as your helper only. You too have a responsibility to help her. You'll learn that she's your responsibility and depends on you. It is not the other way round!
While you were dating her, you'd take her to outings and in your social circles and you were proud to be associated with her.
Now that you've 'bagged' her, would you be embarrassed being seen together? Would you, for example, dispatch her ahead of you to go and get in line for you like, say, in a hospital waiting bench while you leisurely take your time to reach there?
When she's sick, would you take her to hospital or simply scream at her telling her she knows where the hospital is? Bitterness with your spouse will see her respect and honour for you going out the door.
Will you criticize, complain about and make fun of her in front of the friends you hang out with at social joints? Truth be told, you’re going to value and appreciate her highly and give her the recognition she deserves. More, you'll treat her delicately and considerately taking in mind she's more fragile than you. Don't be hard and crude with her.
What if she doesn't respond to your love and affection? It’s still your responsibility to love her no matter how she behaves. You'll need to do something to resolve her 'aloofness' towards you. Show her concern and affection right away instead of waiting until she becomes flexible or 'in the mood'.
You'll love her not for what you can get from her, but what you can contribute to her happiness and satisfaction. It’s for the success of your marriage! You'll need to sweeten your romantic and affectionate words to her with actions! Suppose she's cuddling a crying baby that's preventing her from doing a task like cooking supper, would you rather help with the baby or cook the supper yourself?
How do you view your spouse? Do you see her as chockfull of mistakes, problems, faults and weaknesses whilst you're masculine [strong], wise and perfect? How do you 'straighten her up?' Take in mind she sees imperfections in you that needs correcting too. Understanding and tolerating each other is the best way to go.
Are you an unfaithful partner? Unfaithful here doesn't mean having a romantic attraction to another woman but in how you relate with your spouse.
Do you avoid normal conversations with her, in helping her around or dread being at home with her only creeping back late at night? I tell you this; this unfaithfulness will breed bitterness, resentment, envy and ungratefulness on part of one spouse to the other.
Men, you know women tend to reason by speaking their minds out while men silently think the matter over. Don't think her a nag when she 'ambushes' you with her reasoning. After all, no spouse or marriage is perfect. And yours wasn't tailored to read, 'and they lived happily ever after.' Adieu
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The views and opinions expressed here are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Evewoman.co.ke