Before you agree to an office romance...

Office romances are those that flourish between 8–5pm.

If this describes your relationship, watch out, your next mpango wa kando may be an office mate.

Too busy to love consistently

If you leave home very early, work 8 hours a day, socialise after 5pm, and get home at 9pm when the kids or your spouse are sleeping on the couch, when will you ever find time to give and receive love?

Too distracted to love at home

You may also be getting home early (for both men and women) and then bury your head in a newspaper, or reach for the remote control. You create a relational wall, shutting out all forms of communication.

Key motivators for office romance

The office is where many people relax social boundaries given that the job demands working together. Challenges at the workplace create special bonds. The office also allows individuals to contribute skills, talents and other competencies that can be anchor points for attraction. Obviously, the folks in the office look good (put a mask on).

The dynamics

People get into office romances for adventure, to fulfill their desire for affirmation, to escape their relationship problems or just for the sex. Those involved in 8am–5pm escapades are either married, single, or in serious relationships.

The office romance becomes the way in–and-out of boring relationship back home. Some, however, have been lucky to find long lasting love in the office space.

Tell-tale signs that you are hooked in an office romance

You cannot put down that phone extension and talk casually and engage in suggestive conversation.

You value him/her more than your spouse. You open your heart to share deep things in your life. You cut off intimate communication with your spouse because after all, you have someone giving you a shoulder to cry on.

You give him extreme compliments that you would only reserve to your spouse (to the extent he or she dresses for you) for validation and endorsement.

You have breakfast/lunch together while you exclude other team members in the office.

You have weekends out together ‘under the guise of work’

Don’t fall into the trap

If you’re married and have a wedding ring, keep it on. An office romance is out of question. Be open about your status - single, married, separated and divorced.

A double-life encourages office romance. If you are cheating because you need variety, the grass may not always be as green as it seems.

Boundaries

Create boundaries and if in a compromising situation, run if you must and seek a counsellor. If your social space is violated, rebuke them or escalate the issue to human resources.

The writer is an author and marriage and relationships counsellor. FB:Sheila A Wachira. Email:[email protected]

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