What it takes to raise a confident child

Tearful episodes and complaints that “the kids don’t like me” are coming among kids when they are of a certain age. How should you tackle such a problem?

Majority of parents might scold or tell the child they shouldn’t feel that way. That is not the way to go. Encourage the child to express her hurt to you.

Telling her that she shouldn’t feel the way she does would be a ‘feeling stopper’ - a denial of what she is experiencing. Instead, listen carefully and don’t attempt to solve the problem. Right now she’s too upset to listen to your solutions. But if she feels free to express herself, the more likely you will be able to discover the real source of the problem.

Through careful listening you will manage to find the root cause of the problem and seek a lasting solution.

Is your child lacking in some skill or attribute that might cause other children to reject her? Is there something about her that promotes such feelings? Is your child being overly sensitive? Although you never verbalize these questions, seek the answers. Teach her how to be a friend to others. You might invite one of her peers to spend some time at your home or to go on a picnic with your family. This might encourage the development of a genuine friendship.

If your child is overly sensitive, it signals low self-esteem. Work with your child to develop a specialty that can act as a compensating skill when she receives rejection. Teach her to cope, rather than sulk!

Make her feel good about herself

The real place to begin in helping her feel good about herself is with you. You provide a role model for your child, who quickly senses any lack of worth you might demonstrate. If you have low feelings of worth, they will likely contaminate your child like a deadly virus. She thinks to herself, “My mum and dad consider themselves inferior. I guess I have to feel the same way about myself.” In this way parents actually predispose their child to accept the same distorted concepts, values, and assumptions generated from their own low self-respect.

Low self-respect is often passed from generation to generation, from parent to child in a chain reaction. Each generation increases the severity of the malady and those who suffer from it. Suicidal tendencies (suicide is the end result of a long period of self-hate) follow family lines. Unless parents take effective measures to break the vicious spiral, their own low self-respect may cripple their children.

The better we perceive and understand the all-encompassing effects of low self-respect, the more we will comprehend that it causes the vast majority of social ills. It is a major factor in mental illness, alcoholism, suicide, drug addiction and crime.

It’s time to take an intimate inventory of the emotional climate in your home. Remember the greatest gift you can give your child is a healthy self-respect.

Photo: news.stanford.edu