Guide to dating a younger man

This has been going on for some time now. But a while back, whenever one or two odd, overweight women attempted this strategy, it horribly backfired. The only souls who paid some attention to such types were those coast-based, dreadlocked multilingual beach boys.

However, with time, things seem to have changed and more and more young men are open to the idea of dating older, rich women. Of course, this is made possible by the equally high number of randy, old rich women who are constantly on the prowl for either genuine companionship or flings. The only problem is that this is some sort of new phenomenon around here and many older women are still clueless on how to bag these younger men.

“Just the way we have had dirty old men, we now have dirty old women. These ladies have learnt the tricks from the best; their male counterparts. What they are, however, yet to master are the tricks and ways to lure younger men,” says Jackson Liru, 24-year-old student, who, however, claims is not into cross-generational dating.

Liru says having loads of cash and higher social status have a way of making men with hidden agenda get away with disregarding the rules and regulations of morality, which bind lesser mortals.

Cash buys older women forbidden freedom

“Rich, older women who have been watching this happen now seem not to have qualms with taking advantage of this state of affairs, just like their male counterparts,” says Liru, adding that these women seem to have quickly discovered that money buys forbidden freedom and are exploiting it with reckless abandon.

With their children now all grown and out of the way, their randy husbands out there playing ‘sponsors’ to campus girls and caught up in their own indulgences such as business, these aging, bored, rich women are now coming out to play!

“They are, however, not that open and straight forward like their male counterparts. They tend to be a bit disguised. Some are those innocent-looking teachers, business ladies, widowed neighbours, our aunts, our mothers’ friends, strangers at events or even fellow parishioners at our local churches. They are all innocent as they come, until they subtly start to flirt,” reveals a certain Kuria*, who confesses of having been hit on by an older neighbour he had all a long been respecting and according same reverence he does to his mother.

Wannabe cougar guide

The 26-year-old says being a gigolo in a country where older women are placed on a pedestal of sorts in as far as morality is concerned is a herculean task that requires a lot of courage. But just because these women are bolder and care less what society says about them doesn’t mean the feeling is always mutual to the younger men. There is a way these young men want to be wooed, or so it seems. For starters, foolishly behaving like a teenager and duplicating puppy love doesn’t suffice, they say.

“Being hit on in public by an older woman is a bit uncomfortable,” say Gideon*, who adds that he doesn’t mind dating a cougar, but he can be put off if she is very direct and in the open. Gideon says for a woman to try and get into this sort of relationship, she has to try and master the art of aging gracefully, too.

“Dressing in youthful clad fools no young man out here. It comes off as inappropriate when a grown woman squeezes herself in a dress that is tight in all the wrong places,” says Gideon, adding that poor taste of clad despite being rich is a put off to him and his kind.

“Unlike male ‘sponsors’, who get away with looking bad and dressing inappropriately, cougars have to look the part. Men are visual creatures, just because you pay his rent doesn’t mean you stop making an effort to look good, says Jonathan*, insisting that a woman who makes an effort to look good will be noticed, even when she is in her 50s and 60s.

Older women who are interested in dating younger guys are advised to be subtle as they make their moves. “Boys will always be boys; their age notwithstanding! They chase anything in a skirt. So the trick is simple. So long as an opportunity arises and they get a chance, they always make the chase so long as their object of desire looks promising,” says Derick Ominde, a Nairobi-based relationship coach.

Ominde says when it comes to clothing, insisting on short dresses, no matter how cute you think your thighs are, always makes one look sleazy.

“I get tickled each time I see older women in search of younger lovers dressed skimpily or generally inappropriately. I mean, putting on nice high heels in which one has to awkwardly tiptoe is a turn off,” warns Ominde, adding that putting on shoes that you can hardly walk in will make the boys think you forgot your walking stick at home and sympathise with you instead of getting attracted to you.

Trying to look cool is great. But, as Ominde says, trying too hard can always be noticed leaving one embarrassed. “While in public, excessive display of affection will embarrass younger guys. Most of them are just interested in being studs between the sheets, not romantic boyfriends per se,” says Ominde, adding that excitedly snogging such a dude can land you on social media and embarrass your kids, grandchildren, in-laws and church members. Exercising caution, the coach insists, is of the essence.

Just because you are dealing with a fellow adult doesn’t mean you become reckless with your behaviour in public, or so it seems. Some of the younger men we spoke to insinuated that what is done behind closed doors is the business of the participants, but the moment it gets its way into the public domain, the participants get exposed to hostile spectator environment.

“You know, the public will excuse a young lady stroking a seedy old man’s belly, but go crazy when a young man is spotted fondling an older woman. Thus, relationships between older women, whom society still expects to uphold very high moral standards, are only successful when are handled with some high level of discretion,” says Philip*, who once dated a woman older than him.

How to behave when in public

When in public, which will be inevitable at some point, Ominde advises older women to always give their younger lovers an opportunity to make introductions.

“If he sees it fit to introduce you as his aunt or any other relative, understand and don’t fuss over it, there must be a reason. There is a good reason why even younger women avoid taking photos with their ‘sponsors’. These are strange relationships in which one of the partners is always embarrassed about,” says Ominde.

He says as an older woman, you have to let your toy boy get accustomed to the fact that you are old enough to be his mother and fact that he likes you is not your fault. When dating younger men, expect them to be unavailable most of the time because they have too much energy to waste on other activities and older women are advised to take it easy. Being overly possessive scares the hell out of younger men, especially when dating older women.

“When in such a relationship, the women have to understand that in most cases it’s not a permanent situation, it’s a temporary one; more of a fad that will not take forever. Be ready to be dumped any time. Men just like their egos stroked, the one stroking it is never a big issue. Small wonder then, that men at times make some of the weirdest mate selections,” says Ominde.

This growing trend is perhaps proof for our changing times. And soon and very soon, like it happened in the case of older men and younger women, it may become a norm.