How do I tell my friend I'm in love with her hubby

I am 27, single and work as a teacher in a nursery school. About two years ago I met a parent who made me fall in love with him. I was in charge of his child and I became quite close to him as well as his wife. The relationship has been going on all this time and now I am getting concerned that she may find out someday.

She is one of my closest friends and I would not want to hurt her this way, but I also love this man very much. What can I do to handle this situation? I care about them both but this man is ready to marry me as a second wife. Please advise... {Laura}

Laura, what makes you think there will not be another woman somewhere along the way? Control your feelings for the sake of that family that has trusted you with their child. Please move on and you will find true love where you don’t have to play second fiddle. {Mahmud Jofle}

It is normal to fall in love. Love him and respect the people you found in that marriage including his first wife. This will be difficult to many people including your students, fellow teacher and parents, but remember you have a right to love and to be loved just like any other person. {Ouma Ragumo – Sifuyo}

If you would find nothing wrong if your friend took your man, then go ahead. Look outside there and you will surely find a man to marry. Ask him to inform his wife about his intentions and you will not see him again. He is just a dishonest cheat! {Tasma Charles}

Laura, you can get another man who will make you his number one. Everybody (including that child) will lose all the respect they have for you when they discover what is going on. Being a second wife is not as easy as people think. {Joshua Obino}

If you truly love and care for that family as you say, then quit that relationship and let that family be. Marriage is hard to build and I believe you would not like such a thing to happen to you in future. {Jeff O Mbaka}

That woman will never accept you as her co-wife so forget about ever getting married to this man. End this relationship before you mess up the friendship; lose your job and dignity in the process. Wait for your own prince charming. {Ben Alwala}

That man is already married and you are actually acting like his side dish. Ask him to discuss it with his wife first then decide if you really want to go ahead with it. Remember this will greatly affect your relationship with his wife. {Calvin Queens}

What you are doing is wrong. Imagine if you were to fall in love with all the fathers of children under you or to be under you? Men will always promise you many things but will fulfill none of them. You are being taken for a ride. Look for a single man out there instead of breaking someone else’s marriage. You may not know how many other women he has promised to marry apart from you.                             {Onyango Outha, Jauduny}

Laura, if you really care for this couple as you claim, then you should have realised that what you are doing will one day break them up. End this and wait for the right man. It is not too late; actually, it is never too late to find the right man. {Elvis Ogola – Seku}

Counsellor's Take

Laura, that he wants to marry you as his second wife is a good thing; probably a nice thing for him to say in the situation you are in. However, it is not as easy and casual as you are portraying it to be. First, I can assure you that one of the hardest things a man can do is to break the news to his wife and family that he wants to take another wife for himself. Most present day polygamous marriages are not by choice (because two people fell in love) they are as a result of difficult situations that arose somewhere along the way the most common of which is children.

Also think about what this would do to his wife; knowing that he has been having an affair with her child’s teacher? This would kill all her trust in any female teacher who as much as looks his way and would always be a source of tension between them. Further, have you considered that she may and will show up at the school not only to report on you for gross misconduct and un-professionalism, but also baying for your blood for trying to steal her man? Think about the embarrassment, guilt, discomfort and other repercussion that may arise from this, which may include but will not be limited to you losing your job and getting a bad reference from your current employer.

Looking through all this, I think he is just happy to be taking you to bed and I bet he has absolutely no plans to marry you. Such things are indeed easier said than done. I see you as the main loser in this arrangement and the trouble is, you stand to lose everything. Quit this arrangement and look for another man or else, you will have to deal with unimaginable consequences. Do not forget that she is also one of your closest friends so that will be double betrayal many times more painful for her. Nothing good can come out of this. Finally, do not spend time worrying that she may find out about this someday; she definitely will and this may be much sooner than you think. {Taurus}