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Am I with the wrong man?

Marriage Advice
 Am I with the wrong man? (Photo: iStock)

Hi Chris,

My marriage started passionately, but gradually things have gone stale. And none of my attempts to rediscover that early excitement have worked.

Does that mean there is something wrong with our relationship? Or that I am with the wrong man?


Chris says,

Hi Passionless!

There is probably nothing wrong with your relationship, you have just got into a rut. The same routine, the same time, the same place, the same goal.

That can leave you feeling strangely dissatisfied. Because after a climax, your brain chemistry changes dramatically. Men usually want to go to sleep, so women do not get any more of the romance they need.

Instead, try going for a warmer, slower, more playful kind of intimacy. Where the focus is on creating closeness and trust.

Because while intense stimulation feels good at the time, we soon start to crave another hit. Which mostly we try to get with more hot sex. But it is surprising how quickly that becomes boring.

The answer is not an endless novelty either. Instead, tease, touch, kiss and hug whenever you are together. Make time together at bedtime a priority.

Make love much more often, but with a different focus. One of enjoying the simple pleasure of every single moment. Forget trying to recover the initial excitement of when you first met, you are creating something new.

Because playful intimacy is not the same as foreplay. That is geared towards building sexual tension. While playful intimacy adds several ingredients vital to a great relationship. Like heightened closeness, trust, and reduced inhibitions.

Most people think that good lovemaking is all about achieving the most intense physical sensations you can. But it is not. It is about the depth of intimacy you achieve. Once you have that, then everything else suddenly seems irrelevant.

There are other bonuses too like you will spend much more time together, and do a lot more kissing, cuddling and touching.

Playful intimacy is also much easier to integrate into the rest of your life, so you will do it more. And you will also find yourself being kinder to one another and having much more fun.

All the best


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