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Why am I always making the first move

 Why am I always making the first move (Photo: iStock)

Hi Chris,

I thought men were always up for it, but after being passionate early in our relationship, my husband never starts anything anymore. Everything’s fine once things get going, but it seems like it’s always me making the move. What could be wrong?

Always me

Chris says,

Hi Always me!

Check first that your husband does not have a health problem, or is tired, depressed or worrying about something.

However, that is not likely. The real reason is probably more subtle. He might have stopped taking the lead because he is wondering whether he is making unwanted sexual advances. Remember all those ‘no means no’ publicity campaigns?

Somehow ‘taking you’ is not acceptable any more. Think of it as an unintended consequence of modern life. Keeping their relationships passionate has become harder for men in this politically correct world.

Another possible downer is if you have started saying ‘I am not in the mood!’ Once that begins, he will wait for you to say the word. So it’s important to respond positively even when you don’t feel like it.

That says you want him, and making out will soon turn you on. Maybe you’ve been brushing off his advances because the timing seems inconvenient. Did you ever imagine making love could be inconvenient? Don’t you miss the excitement of a surprise quickie?

Perfect moments never happen, so don’t pass on intimacy just because you’re busy. Make time, because nothing makes taking the lead harder than clock-watching. Develop some ‘in the mood’ signals that can’t possibly be misunderstood, like some sexy lingerie, or sleeping in the raw.

Men love it when their wives are obvious and direct. Above all, respond positively whenever he makes even the slightest flirty remark. Tell him later how good it feels when he says things like that.

Then he’ll do it again! And if you truly can’t respond, tell him exactly what the problem is. In the movies, couples seem able to get everything right without a word. But that rarely happens in the real world. So tell him what’s up, and then make it up to him soon!

All the best,


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