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Do you suspect he is cheating? Here's how to go about it

Relationships
 Photo; Courtesy

I have strong suspicions that my fiancé is having an affair with a lady from our church. Rumor is that he has even gone to her home on several occasions to visit her parents and they know him. He is always receiving messages even late at night and I have a strong suspicion that it is her. His phone has a password and I know all his secrets are in there. I really want to find out the truth as he may be planning to marry her and leave me out. We both don't have children and I don't know what would happen if she conceived before me. Please advise me on how I can access his phone to know the truth. {Lydia}

Your Take:

The greatest weapons in a relationship are time, openness and communication. Talk to him about your suspicions and hear what he has to say about them.

Talk to him in a good environment, which could be a dinner, picnic or an outside nature walk. Do not storm and start nagging him to tell you the truth because he may hide some information from you

{Mercy Richards}

Since you were a child, all was well until you met him. Wake up, smell the coffee and get out of his life. You don’t need him to survive and if you walk away from him, life will still go on. He does not deserve you so get out before something bizarre happens.

{Shadrack Okenyu}

Take your time to find the truth and stop relying on hearsay. Much as it may be true, it can as well be a lie. The truth lies with your man. Face him and hear him out. Also since you are a Christian, dwell in prayers and if what you share was meant to last forever, no one will take it away from you.

{Evans Mwangi Wanja}

Lydia, why are you tormenting yourself with suspicion? If he is the man you intend to spend rest of your life with, seek solace in God through prayer, but not in human through social media. God will make a path and table for you in the presence of your enemy.

Marriage is your promised land and just like the children of Israel, without faith, you are fighting a losing battle. Get on your knees and seek answers in prayer not in other people or social media.

{Akidiva Dickson}

I think you only got to know of her problem because she wanted advise in social media. And you couldn’t have advised her to turn to God if social media wasn’t there or fellow beings. I think you should just advise rather than telling her not to tell her problems to people. A problem shared is half solved.

{Opiyo Ogolla}

This man is troubling you like this yet he is only a fiancé not your husband? Move on dear girl and do not spend any more time with a double dealer. Life is too short to be stressed on a man who has not married you. Do not stress yourself to death. God will give you a faithful husband but only if you leave this one who is wasting your time.

{Jacqueline Munyasa}

If you have reasons not to trust him, you better do yourself a favour and get out of the relationship early. Staying will only hurt you more and if he really loves you, he will come after you. If he doesn’t, you will have your answer.

{Peter Gichuru}

Getting access to his phone will only add salt to the injury. Talk to him and he will share the truth with you. Stop being driven by rumors and keep this matter between the two of you. Matters of love are best handled between two people.

{Willy Omoro}

Counselor’s Take:

Lydia, where there is smoke, there might be a fire. It is somewhat normal for couples to suspect each other of cheating but snooping through the other person’s phone is the wrong thing to do. Yes, it can give you leads but it will only confuse you further.

A text message cannot give sufficient evidence that something is going on since people exchange many things behind those locked phones; so this is a futile undertaking.

However, if there are rumors that he has gone to see her parents, trust or no trust present this is something you ought to take seriously and confront him in a respectable way. Has he gone to your home and done the necessary?

If not, you could actually be the other woman (especially if it is true that he has visited the other side). Nonetheless, you need to get a clear picture on what is going on which can be done through him without having to break into his phone.

In many instances, people use crude means to get the information they need as opposed to using the easiest and most appropriate means to get clear and straight forward answers to their questions.

This is a complex situation that needs to be sorted out early. He seems to be at that stage in his life where he is looking for a partner. What this means is that one of you will, at some point, hit the road. It is, therefore, your responsibility to initiate this discussion and get it straight from him.

This may be a difficult thing and obviously very difficult time for you, but sometimes these things must be done. That talk may actually be the tipping point for everything. Let your heart not be troubled since you cannot change much but getting the truth and the actual status from him may give you a good indication of where you stand in all this which will also inform your next steps. {Taurus}

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