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Should I have a baby with my broke hustling boyfriend?

 Photo; Courtesy

I am 25 and have a well paying job that has made me somewhat financially stable. I have also been dating this guy for like five years and I think it is time to have a child with him. The only problem is that he has been jobless for the last three years and only manages to earn a few coins from menial jobs. My mother and sisters do not support my being in this relationship and they are well aware of my intentions to have a child with him. They, however, think that it will be too much of a burden on me and that I should either get another man or wait for him to become financially stable to help me take care of the child. I think if I wait for too long I may regret it sometime later, especially because I have always wanted to have a child in my younger years. What should I do about this? {Jane}

Your Take:

It seems you are in limbo between being a mum and sticking to the cliché that your man must have a stable job before he can sire your child. You already have a stable job. Go ahead and have a child with the man you love.

{Andrew Chaplin}

That man does not seem to be aggressive. Many men relax when their women are financially stable. You can also help him to become financially stable by supporting him. Start a small business for him and he will be financially stable soon.

{Felix Guda}

You are old enough to make your own decisions and your parents shouldn’t take control of your life. This man doesn’t have a job today but you also acknowledge that he is not just sitting there, he is hustling. If you truly love this man, this is the right time to show that you are a real woman despite everything that is going on.

{Fred Jausenge}

You seem not to know the direction of your relationship and you are not genuine and realistic about this. Their support towards your relationship will only come when they see the weight you treat him with.

If you take it lightly as you do, they will continue to discourage you. If this continues, be sure that he will get someone else as you wait for financially stable men who might never come your way. The relationship is yours and you are the driver so make the right decision.

{Ouma Ragumo}

You know the man more than anyone and if he can make a good husband and father. Being jobless, unless he’s not interested in getting one, is not permanent. He could get one tomorrow. Empathize with him and think what would happen if the shoe is on the other foot.

{Tasma Charles}

It is clear that you really love this guy and you are comfortable with him. I don’t know what you are waiting for. He is the man you are in love with. Follow your heart and don’t let anyone make decisions for you.

{Wilberforce Mauti}

If you prefer money to a good husband, you may never get married. You had better make up your mind as soon as possible. Being broke isn’t a disease or a permanent problem.

{Mike Ouma}

There is a big difference between marrying money or wealth and marrying the right person. You never know what might happen tomorrow. Maybe you are the person who will open doors for him. In most of such cases, you reserve the right to make the decision.

{Onyango Outha}

Counselor’s Take:

Jane, other people will always have opinions about the things you want to do. Many times, it may not always be the same as yours so as long as you ask their opinion, be ready to accept differences of opinions.

Sometimes, those people who are very close to us give their opinions about many things key of which is relationships. Needless to say that most of the times, this advice or opinions are not usually solicited for but they count and have potential to put pressure on ones actions whether they are solicited or not. My observation is that this is the kind of pressure you are under.

Your mother and sisters have voiced their opinions about your relationship and the plans you have. However, this matter is primarily between you and your man. I don’t see how and where they are coming in to this. You are the one in a relationship with him and it is your decision that should count.

That said, I have also observed something peculiar about your reasoning about this whole issue and that is you are pegging a permanent and critical factor in your life on a temporary situation.

By pegging the decision of whether to have a child with him or not on his financial status is getting your priorities upside down.

If you have dated this man for 5 years you should have more clarity than you seem to have on this issue. Having been with him for this long you should be more decisive about such an important decision.

If you want to have a child with him, go ahead and try for it. You see, a child is a definite thing in your life while his financial situation is a temporary condition.

You know, he could be financially stable now and you go ahead and have a child with him then something happens and all this changes. My point is that you make this about you and him and stop involving other people in such a critical decision in your life. {Taurus}

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