My boyfriend wants us to be intimate

I am 22 years old and in my final year in university. I got myself a boyfriend who keeps pushing me to be intimate, which I have consistently refused to do. I made a vow to be intimate only with the man who will marry me. However, my friends keep saying that is an old-fashioned way of thinking. Could this be the right time to give in to my boyfriend’s request? Please help.

Making a vow is one thing; sticking to it is another! You have done well by keeping to your self-imposed commitment and vow. This is incredible, especially in this era when some young people think sleeping around earns one accolades. While I may sound harsh, the sad reality is that some of your friends might be jealous that you have maintained your virginity while they lost theirs. It would be interesting to hear that some regret it to date. On the flip side, some might envy you and wish they were in your situation.

Has it occurred to you that some of your friends might be pushing you to take a route they hardly know how to navigate? Some might be virgins too! My advice to you is stick to what you have vowed and you will be proud of yourself for doing it.

As for your boyfriend, if he truly loves you, he will respect your stand. If he wants it that badly, let him marry you. If he will not wait for marriage, however madly you are in love with him, better lose him and keep your dignity! If he threatens to leave if you do not do it, he will eventually leave you if you also do it. People who threaten their partners with leaving if their demands are not met will eventually leave at one point. Delay the gratification for a happier tomorrow.

I am one year into working but I have not yet been confirmed into my role. When I joined the company, I was assigned to a department and after six months was transferred to my current position. During the time of changing roles, I was informed that my performance needed to improve. I have worked fervently hard but my boss is yet to confirm me into this role. Please advise on how to go about it.

You sound frustrated with what is happening to you at the company. If I hear you right, you did not fit into the role you were hired for and the company transferred you to a new role altogether. In the workplace, any new role you get attracts a probationary period of not less than three months; most companies set the probationary period at six months.

Your probation period for the first role proved you were not capable of performing the set role. The company has then given you a career lifeline and it could have been more of a strategic or skills-based alignment for you. You are now in your sixth month in the role and ideally, your line manager or supervisor will have an appraisal for you. Your self-evaluation will also be of help at this stage.

Do you feel you have done what was expected of you? While you have worked hard, was what you were doing aligned to your job description? Have you met your performance indicators and achieved goals for the company? I would highly recommend that you write down your daily duties and re-examine them keenly vis-a-vis the job description given to you. Next, make time to sit down with your supervisor and candidly discuss your performance with him. Ask for feedback on how you have been doing in the workplace. Be keen on the response and act accordingly.