In which adolescent ‘zone’ is your child?

Unaware of the approaching perils of adolescence and of how quickly they arrive, parents are caught without a defensive or offensive game plan for the teenage years. Majority are clueless as to the magnitude of the changes that churn through the body, minds and emotions of the typical child headed into the teen years.

So parents soon discover their child is already involved in sex, alcohol or drug use, suicidal thoughts, teenage pregnancy among others. You therefore need to be prepared for what lies ahead and put on your life jacket.

No single strategy will guarantee steering your child safely through the turbulent waters of adolescence but you will be assisted by insight from research that every child seems to move predictably through what is called “zones of adolescence.” Understanding these zones can aid proactive parents navigate through the teen years.

The Innocence Zone

(10-12 years)

A preteen in this zone is still largely unstained by temptations and evil. ‘Hormonally speaking,’ the child is not yet experiencing the confusing signals the body will soon send her way. In most cases, she will still listen to what her parents say.

Parents whose children are in this zone should seize the opportunity to secure the relationship with the child and aggressively begin to shape the child’s convictions before adolescence hits in full force.

The Danger Zone

(13-16 years)

This is the most dangerous phase of your child’s life when most families lose a child. Up to this point, your child and her friends have been essentially under the control of their families.

Many parents incorrectly assume the children their daughters or sons have relationships with at church, school or in the neighbourhood have similar values to their own. This is a dangerous assumption.

In the danger zone, however, the family values learned and lived out behind closed doors are now exposed for what they really are — a bland adaptation of the world’s values or a startling absence of values altogether.

With the onset of teenage years, when children are experiencing greater freedom, the peers who once were a good influence may now be banding together to test their parents limits. Consequently, by the time they reach 15, many ‘good’ children are out of control of their parents and will soon be out of control in their lives.

For many young people the years become a crossroad where they either continue down the right path or take the wrong one, testing things that are harmful. Sadly, many stay on the disastrous path, and the result won’t be evident until later probably in high school, college, or even adulthood.

The problem is that choosing the wrong path is usually not a one-time decision or a huge event. It’s a slow, slippery descent into compromising situations.

The wise parent recognises this danger zone and is careful not to give their child too much freedom too soon. Just because a child is beginning to look and act like an adult by making some ‘right choices’ does not mean she is really ready for adult responsibilities and corresponding freedoms.

Parents with children in this danger zone often have intense feelings of hopelessness, wondering, “Will the teenage years ever end?” or “We’re raising a juvenile delinquent!” However, don’t quit! This is a time for perseverance in love and your efforts to shape your child’s convictions.

The Release Zone

(17-19 years)

After successful passage through the danger zone, this final phase of adolescence results in the child having increased responsibility and freedom. The increase in privileges is a reward for mature, trustworthy and faithful behaviour by the teenager.

The parent’s goal is to release the child slowly, so that eventually she is free of many of the restrictions of her earlier teen years.

You should be on standby so that as the child makes mistakes, you are there to coach, encourage, and even correct her. Releasing a child does not mean you stop being the protector, provider and parent.

If your child has not proven herself worthy of this trust, it is necessary to establish a written contract with the child to clarify restrictions and responsibilities.