Royal wedding: When Harry married Meghan

May 19, 2018, almost 200 million people around the world tuned in to live TV to watch Prince Harry, 33, marry a half-black actress called Meghan Markel, 36.

It will be a fairy tale ‘princess’ wedding – with vows exchanged at noon at St George’s Chapel, a two-hour luncheon with the Queen for the couple, a mid-afternoon horse-and-carriage ride through the streets of Windsor (thronged by cheering thousands) to the afternoon reception, followed by an evening party at the private Frogmore House with 200 guests, including the Spice Girls.

And although Prince’s Harry’s first great love, the wealthy, white 32-year-old Zimbabwean called Chelsy Davy whom he dated between 2004 and 2011 (when she was 18 to 25) is invited for the church bit (alongside 600 other folks), she is not welcome to the party part of it. Chelsy is said to be a ‘little hurt’ about that, because she’s a fun person, and harbours no ill will. She had even moved to Leeds in the UK to study law in her youth to be ‘closer to Harry’ (they met on an African safari), but is now a designer for her own Afro-jewellery house, Aya Jewels.

But we’ll get back to the part about inviting your exes to the wedding (why do they even come?), seeing as Prince Harry also invited his ex-girlfriend Cressida Bonas (whom he dated between 2012 and 2014, before they broke it off over Harry’s indiscretions and his ‘disregardful’ treatment of her, regardless of the fact that she was clearly a rebound).

Needless to say, Meghan Markel’s ex-hubby, Trevor, 41, isn’t invited to the wedding! Trevor, a talent manager and TV producer, began dating the then 22-year-old budding actress in 2004 – round about the same time Harry met Chelsy, and fell in love with her. They married after seven years of dating, in 2011, three months after he had found her a role in the TV series ‘Suits.’

Two years later, it was a worldwide hit, Meghan became a big TV star, and abruptly divorced the hapless Trevor, citing ‘irreconcilable differences,’ and returning the wedding and engagement rings by registered post.

Meghan’s 73-year-old white dad, Thomas Markle, will not be walking her down the aisle, though he was supposed to, because of arranging for some paparazzi shoot for money, which Kensington Palace found distasteful.

(The cover story is that he’s recovering from heart surgery, although his heart break must be for real). Neither will Meghan’s half-brother, Tom Junior (he’s a bit alcoholic, and so she fears he may be an embarrassment on her big day), nor her half-sister, Samantha, with whom they haven’t spoken in years. Only her mom Doris Ragland (who divorced from Meghan’s dad when she was six) and whom Prince Harry took to, like a duck to water in Windsor, will be there, and may walk Meghan down the aisle.

Insisting on marrying an American divorcee called Wallis Simpson cost Edward VIII the throne in less than a year in 1936, because it was not the done thing then. Royals married vestigial royals. That is how the throne went from King Edward to then Prince Albert, his younger brother, and father of Queen Elizabeth II, after Edward abdicated.

Edward’s dad, King George V, had predicted that ‘after I’m dead, the boy (Edward) will ruin himself inside of 12 months,’ because of Edward’s inexplicable liking of married women.

‘I pray to God that Edward will never get children, so that little Lilibeth will become queen one day,’ the same King George said on his deathbed.

His son Edward never got kids, just kept pug dogs as pets (alongside wife Wallis) till his death. King George’s favourite grandchild, Little Lilibeth, is now 92-year-old Queen Elizabeth. Kumbe parental curses, and blessings, also hold sway among the mzungus, and not just miros?

We wish Harry and Meghan all the best! If it doesn’t work out, there’s an African girl called Sally Doesn’t Matter Bundabunda, awaiting in Zambia in 2027. You’ll find everlasting love with her.

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