Help!! I’m married to a workaholic who does not have time for us

My husband seems to love his job more than me and our son who is only five years old. I feel frustrated and want out of this marriage. He has behaved like this for the past three years and I do not know how to cope with it. He is a senior manager but not the CEO. Can he not make time for us? Please help.

You sound frustrated at the thought that your husband seems more concerned about his work than his family; that is an indicator of a workaholic! This is a habit he has formed over the three years you are talking about. Slowly he has perfected the art and it is now a part of his routine, his seniority at work notwithstanding. However, we may need to go back to the drawing board. When did the rain begin to beat your relationship and drive him towards being a workaholic? Your son was only two years old then - would you remember anything peculiar that happened in your relationship?

If he was not a workaholic when you settled together, or he made time to take you out and spend time with you while you were dating, then something must have happened to change him. You may need to bring him back to his ‘senses’ so he can realise you are also part of his life. Leaving will not help as he will promise to ‘change’ and retrogress soon.

Your hubby needs to know that there is life after work. You may need to spend the time you have together wisely. The best thing with workaholics is that they are good at planning and executing duties. Sit him down and discuss plans for your family together. Let him share what he wants for his family. Ask him when his next leave from work is and how the three of you can spend quality time together.

Make him feel at home when he comes. Be there for him and leave unnecessary tasks out. Come up with a family rule that no mobile phones nor TV use when the three of you are together. Play silly games in the house with the child and soon he will make more time to spend with you. And do not forget patience is part of the change. I wish you well.

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I was recently appointed a manager through a rigorous process in our office. The position attracted both internal and external candidates. I beat two of my colleagues, one of whom had been acting in that capacity and deemed as the ‘favourite’ to take it. My colleagues have vowed to make my job hard. Should I let him take the seat as he is due to retire in two years’ time?

There is a reason why the management decided to go with you as the next manager and not the other two. Are you now doubting your capability to execute the job? You are being intimidated and you are slowly chickening out. This is your time to prove your prowess and let the management know that they made the right decision by elevating you above the other two.

It is worth noting that the fact that your other colleagues were being considered communicates something interesting about them. They have what it takes to take your job should you fail. This might be their motive; to sabotage your potential to grow. You may need to be a little smarter while dealing with them. On the flip side, you could use their capability to make your work a little more interesting. You may want to consider their thoughts while executing new tasks. Utilise the services of the colleague who is acting at this point. Let him know that you will depend on him to be able to serve the company well. Treat him as the senior citizen he is and consult him widely. The fact he will be retiring soon meanshe has some institutional memory and you may want to consult him often and soon, you will be complementing each other instead of being competitors in the work place.