I am sexually starved and afraid I might cheat

I am 26 and totally confused because my wife is not satisfying me in bed any more. This changed when she gave birth to our second child about a year ago. I love her and do not wish to ever cheat on her. I have tried to ask what we can do but no answers have been forthcoming. I am sexually starved and I am getting tempted to look elsewhere to satisfy my sexual needs. I am afraid I may fall into these temptations if this continues. Please help.{Wilson}

Your Take:

Wilson, maybe you are getting into the sexual act with your wife but with much greater expectations than she can provide. Take time to understand what she desires in bed. It could also be that you are the one not satisfying her sexually, leading to her not satisfying you in bed. Be good to her and she will be good to you.

{Lydia Macharia}

What your wife is going through is normal at such points in life. As her husband, you must let her know that she will overcome it. Asking her about the issue may make it worse.

In your sex life, you will have highs and lows. During the lows, I doubt you would be happy to hear that she is dating another man because you are not satisfying her. Remain faithful to your wife.

{Tasma Charles}

Wilson, the step to success and solving any problem is identifying the root. Now that you know the problem, try to know the causes of the dissatisfaction. The solution is with the two of you!

Remember that going outside your marriage may expose you to the HIV and Aids, and other STIs. Show her unending love and make her feel cared for. Pushing her will not solve it. Making love involves both of you getting satisfied.

{Ouma Ragumo}

Can you imagine what would happen if you went outside your marriage and you contracted a deadly STI? Remember that sex is all in the mind and it needs participation of both parties. Take a holiday with your wife and relax.

The cheating road is shorter but full of danger. You may also seek the services of a counsellor or a sex therapist. Bear in mind that these things are all the same so don’t go out there looking for something different.

{Onyango Outha}

Sexual feelings occur naturally. You may have greater sexual desires than her then you end up feeling as if she does not satisfy you. Forget about sex first and be more intimate with her for a while. Make her long for your company and she will want you so bad sexually that you may end up being the one not satisfying her.

{Irene Njoki}

Counselor’s Take:

Wilson, if you are having sexual issues in your marriage then the problem does not necessarily lie with her rather it is between the two of you. Sex as you may know is a two-way issue where both parties have to contribute to its success.

You may have noted my connotation when I said "have to" because there is no other way. Generally, when one partner feels sexually dissatisfied in a relationship, he is as much to blame as the other party.

However, I would ask why and how and why you are not getting satisfied sexually. Is it that she has totally lost interest in sex or is it that it doesn't last as long as you wish for it to last or is it that it is not as good as you would want it to be? All these questions have different answers so it is important to know the actual context of your dissatisfaction.

If she has totally lost interest in sex, then there could be some things that are putting her off. These could be about you, about work, about the family among others.

 It would be prudent for you to try and hear in her-own words why she has lost interest in sex. Her response to this may surprise you that is if this is the case and if she is totally honest with you.

If it does not last as long as you would wish for it to last then you have just as much blame for the situation as she does. Remember the sexual needs and desires of a woman are entirely different from those of a man.

 A woman needs to be emotionally satisfied before the sexual act begins then she is able to follow through during the act. You may be falling short in this area maybe with the sub-conscious mindset that sex begins when people get in bed.

For women it dies not! This is why you need to talk to her often, buy gifts, do nice things for her and generally keep her happy. You do this and you will be happy with the results. The opposite is also true.

Lastly, I may not forget to tell you that looking for another woman to satisfy your sexual needs is a futile undertaking. You may be looking for another woman to transfer your problems to then shortly, you will be in the same predicament but this time with two women not with one. Rather than look outside for a solution to your current problems, please look within. This may and will do you a lot of good. {Taurus}