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Ladies, massage your man's ego

 Ladies, massage your man's ego (Photo: iStock)

The battle for supremacy between men and women has never made sense to me, both genders jostle to show each other which one of them is stronger than the other.

Back home in Africa, most of our cultures and religions have propagated patriarchy making man feel supreme and powerful.

Our ancestors knew something that we don't know- have you ever wondered why our great-grandmothers never fought polygamy? Have you ever taken the time to find out why they got along well with their cowives? Our grandmothers knew a thing or two that we didn't care to learn from them.

You see in order to live well with a man, you have to learn them first. Anyone who has watched Lady Agatha Danbury in the Netflix series Queen Charlotte will tell you that she knows how to massage her husband's ego.

She gives him credit even where he deserves none. She allows him to wallow in his faux grandiose as she works to secure her future and that of her children. Our grandmothers learnt centuries ago that men love their egos to be massaged.

They will bring you down to the moon if you tell them that they are stronger than Thor; they will take their role of providence seriously if you praise their prowess. Men are like babies, they respond very well to praise and love it when we subjugate ourselves before them.

Wise women have learnt to praise their husbands; they will call them endearing names even after a mediocre performance. They will welcome their co-wives and tell their husbands that they needed help from their sister wives.

Even though our great-grandfathers thought they called the shots, our grandmothers were the real deal. Through false submission, they were able to get what they want and so much more. You see while our grandfathers were busy marrying more women and spreading themselves thin, our grandmothers found ways of eating their cake and having it at the same time.

While polyandry has never been allowed in Africa, there is a lot of evidence indicating that our grandmothers had their fair share of secret fun.

There is always that uncle in every home who is rumoured to have been sired by the neighbour. In most cases, everyone knows about this secret except the man of the home.

As long as the woman remains submissive she is able to secretly pull the ropes and get her way without the man realising it. Phrases like "We cannot manage this without you baba watoto" or "wah, si you know how to pound this thing" has opened many wallets and made many a woman rich. Such phrases have brought many a philandering man back home to his first wife.

The reason why some men abandon their first homes and settle with side chics is that they receive the attention that they lacked in their previous homes.

They get their egos massaged with phrases like "si you are big babes". They get praised for having big bellies and their lack of height is tolerated with phrases like "the shorter the monkey the longer the tail" even when there is no tail to praise.

The woman has always been the supreme gender. Rather than jostle for power with men, we only have to massage their egos and lie to them that they are at the top.

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