Girl code: These people too deserve to fall in love

One of the most crucial lessons I have learnt in life revolves around matters love. Growing up, there are things I never thought I would ever experience but as years went by, I came to embrace them as part of me.

We don’t have to experience some of these things first hand to understand them. One of the things I came to learn is that it is important to let men find love again after losing their wives.

I lost my mother when I was 13 years old. Because of all the negative stories I had heard about step-mothers, it was the last thing I wanted to encounter -- until one morning when one showed up at our house.

It did not take long before we differed. I felt like she had come to steal my mother’s place and this never went down well with me. We had those not-so-good moments, I can say that was a bumpy start for her.

It's not like she was doing anything wrong, if anything, she was trying her best. The problem was with my siblings and me. We were ever on defensive mode with her.

Always on the lookout thinking she was about to do something bad. Because of this paranoia, we started seeing and imagining things that weren’t even there.

Later on though, as months went by, I figured out that there was something in my father that had changed. After we lost mum, my father sunk into depression and you could clearly see he was losing it day by day.

After my step-mother’s arrival though, I saw life slowly creep back into my father. It was like he had discovered love for the first time. He was like a teenager in love.

I remember seeing him run around the house and letting out one hearty laughter after another. I saw him get back on his feet emotionally which changed everything and it was all because of this new woman in his life.

The same woman we were having a problem accommodating and kept judging because that’s what society had instilled in us.

One time, I had a meeting with myself because, clearly, I was the most troublesome sibling and resorted to embrace the new change in my life.

I told myself that if I cannot do it for myself, I would at least do it for my father who definitely deserved a second chance at love. From that day on, things just went from good to better and we ended up living the best life!

You know, sometimes we make very selfish decisions in life, not even thinking about those who are affected by the decisions. I have seen how society gives widows and widowers that side eye immediately they find new love. Somehow, society has a manual of when and how these people should live.

If you find new love quickly, you are accused of ‘not respecting’ your late spouse. Like you are supposed to put your life on hold and mourn forever.

I believe each one of us was born with a different level of strength and understanding about life and we all should just let people be as long as they are trying to find happiness. Again, I know what society has taught us about step-parents but, as children, how about getting to learn these people first before judging them?

To parents who find new love, how about ensuring they are worthy of your home before bringing them home? Maybe such measures will help us all just live peacefully.

Sometimes I sit down and ask myself many questions. What if my siblings and I had totally rebelled against this woman? It would have been like rebelling against our father indirectly.

This alone would have pushed him further into depression and, God forbid, what if we lost him because of that? Because of trying to choose between his love and his children? That was going to be such a hard decision to make.

To everyone out there, let’s embrace people who try to find new love. We all need love, affection and companionship in life. There’s that companionship given by a spouse which one can’t find anywhere. So if someone decides to find love, be it a widow, a widower or a divorcee, let’s walk with them.

Let’s not start judging them and making their lives unbearable. Although my father and step-mother passed on later, I can confidently say that they rested happy having travelled their love journey together.

[email protected]