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Confessions: I'm finding it difficult to get a husband

Relationships
 Looking for a husband after 40 is had work (Photo: iStock)

Hi Chris,

I am over 40 and looking for a husband. In my case, that is because I have been enjoying my career so much. But I also have friends who are dating after 40.

One is divorced, and the other is a single mum who is beginning to want a relationship now that the children are a little less demanding.

But all of us are finding that looking for a husband after 40 is hard work. Are there no men out there who are looking for a wife of our age?

Marrying Late

Chris says,

Hi Marrying Late!

There are plenty of good men out there, but older guys are harder to find and have to be evaluated more carefully. This means you are going to have to be more proactive.

And that starts with keeping in shape. Older men are not especially fussy about beauty, but they are attracted to women who take care of themselves. And they do not go out actively looking for women of their age. So you have to go looking for them.

Which means going where they are! So join a club. Most of the available men over 40 are members of some sort of organisation. From sports clubs to professional organisations, you name it.

Do not overlook the men at work or the male friends of your female friends. And be sure you chat with someone new at least twice a week. Because dating nowadays is a numbers game. The more guys you meet the better your chances.

You also need to adjust your standards. Be prepared to forgive a few missing social graces or physical flaws in an older man. But not alcohol or drug abuse, anger, someone who has never left home, or who does not share your values.

Watch out for committed bachelors; if he seems unwilling to be serious, cut him loose.

And be wary about money. What with previous wives, children and the like, older men can have a lot of financial obligations.

So before you get too involved with a divorced man, figure out his commitments. Watch too for the way his previous relationships ended. You should be cynical about any man over 40 who has never been married. Chances are there is a really good reason no one snapped him up earlier.

And be especially cautious if his wife walked out on him, cheated or treated him badly in some other way. That sort of baggage can leave lasting scars.

Get the idea? Nothing is stopping you from marrying after 40. But you will need to be more proactive and assertive. And prepared to take things carefully. But you will succeed, and probably be as happy, maybe even more so, than if you had married earlier.

All the best,

Chris

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