We argue a lot, is that okay?

Hi Chris,

My husband and I argue a lot. And I mean a lot! And yet we still seem to love one another. Is that okay? Should I be worried about our rows?

Endless Fights

Chris says,

Hi, Endless Fights!

Do not worry about how often you argue. Just make sure you argue well. Because that seems to be what determines whether a couple is successful together.

So use your arguments to get issues out into the open, and enjoy them as an opportunity to show that you each have a mind of your own. Because that is also one of the keys to a good sex life. While couples who take each other for granted are rarely happy together for long.

Successful couples also constantly provoke and tease one another. It is a form of flirting really and a way of showing their attraction for one another. And it is certainly stimulating!

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Sometimes their teasing and sarcasm can make them angry, but they are never bored. Because anger makes couples bolder, and heightens desire. But arguments can also be scary, as in the heat of the moment couples say things to score points that they later regret, like threatening to leave.

So try not to do that too often, and instead develop your argument skills. Like not seeing arguments as something you win or lose, and instead seeing them as a way of building a connection between you. Many of the things couples argue about are impossible to resolve anyway, but they are still an important part of a healthy relationship.

So do not be afraid to disagree. See the differences between you as interesting, and a way to express your views, and to find out what you both think.

Try not to start arguments when you are drunk, hungry or tired; do not insult one another, and learn how to mix lots of humour, smiles and laughter into your debate.

And a lot of touching. Because those are the sort of arguments that turn all that adrenaline into thoughts of intimacy. And what better way to end an argument could there be than that?

All the best,

Chris