Tired of being dismissed? When to speak up for yourself

Have you ever been in a situation where a colleague habitually dismisses your ideas in meetings, only to later come and present them as their own? Or that friend who always cancels plans at the last minute, showing little regard for your time despite making prior arrangements?

These small, repetitive actions eventually start to become bothersome and signal a critical respect failure in those relationships.

Navigating any relationship, be it with friends, romantic partners, or work colleagues, requires establishing and enforcing boundaries, a process fundamentally rooted in assertiveness. It is not aggression but simply communicating your needs with respect and clarity.

A truly happy relationship is marked by mutual respect, equal effort and the consistent feeling of being seen and valued.

In healthy relationships, happiness involves shared vulnerability, supportive disagreements and the knowledge that your emotional and physical space will be honoured.

Unhealthy relationships, on the other hand, are characterised by chronic emotional depletion, fear of voicing disagreement, or constantly minimising your own needs to appease the other person.

When respect is absent, true joy ceases to exist, sustained only by avoidance and self-silencing.

Once you’ve had enough, the critical first step is identifying cues of inappropriate treatment. These often manifest as consistent dismissiveness, passive-aggressive behaviour, gaslighting or a pattern of violating agreed-upon rules.

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In professional settings, this might look like consistent scope creep or credit theft. In personal life, it could be sarcasm disguised as humour or emotional stonewalling.

The primary indicator is a persistent, low-grade feeling of dread or anxiety associated with interacting with that individual. Responding to this disrespectful behaviour requires a healthy, assertive approach.

As clinical psychologist and relationship expert, Dr Harriet Lerner points out, assertiveness is not about winning an argument, but about making sure one’s position is heard and taken seriously.

The response should be delivered calmly, immediately and directly.

For instance, instead of accepting the dismissal of an idea, you could say, “I need to stop you there. I presented that concept a week ago and I need my contributions acknowledged.”

Similarly, to a constantly late friend, the response should focus on the impact: “I value our time together, but waiting 30 minutes is disrespectful to my schedule. If you can’t be here by seven next time, we will need to reschedule.”

This direct, non-judgmental communication establishes a firm boundary without triggering a defensive spiral.

Scary, yes, but it communicates self-respect and sets a clear standard for future interactions. By consistently practising healthy assertiveness, you can foster relationships that are stable, supportive and fundamentally reciprocal.