Girl code: When your man’s friends lead you on

Sometimes the men we date can make us look really ridiculous before their family and friends.

To my fellow women, have you ever dated someone who cheated on you with the knowledge of everyone around you other than yourself?

This is one difficult feeling to explain. I am yet to find the correct words to explain how I felt before people I considered family and friends. It’s even worse when it’s the same “mutual” friends you treat with a smile whenever they visit.

It’s hard to forget how I would wake up very early on the days my man’s friends were paying us a visit. How can I even forget how I would call them all in advance to find out what special meal they wanted me to prepare for them.

I would then carry my Luhya feet to the market and hand pick ingredients for the D-day. Only God knows the variety of foods I carried from the market on such days.

The way they would begin streaming in one by one still gives me goosebumps whenever I recall it. How they would walk into our house, give me a hug and firmly shake my hand and call me ‘our in-law’.

You see, that title alone is enough to make a woman who is ready for marriage dance before her guests in full traditional attire and whistle louder than a herdsman directing his cattle.

There was this particular friend of his who had a way of making me feel like I was the only woman my man had ever dated. That one would make me walk around the hood with my head held high up like the Queen of Sheba. You should have heard him talk about the plans of accompanying my man to my home when he went to pay my bride price. He made it look like I was the best thing that ever happened to my man. Made me feel so important and appreciated.

This was until I got to know about the ‘other woman’. The other woman my man loved. I have never found out who he loved more than the other, may be me, maybe not. But see, I never got to marry him officially, so it’s possible that he loved the other woman more.

Some of these men can be the reason one decides to remain celibate the rest of their life! I was out there accelerating, thinking I was on a super highway yet I was on the service lane of a marram road. I should have known better!

The most painful bit is that all these friends and relatives I entertained knew about the other woman but still made me feel like the only one when they visited. They should have at least given me a heads-up! I still can’t believe they sat there planning how my dowry negotiations would go down yet they knew of the existence of that other woman. How I walked all over the house ensuring both their plates and glasses were never empty. Sometimes I wish I could turn back time and put some salt in their tea, but on a second thought, let them live with the good memories I created for them.

To all you men, you are free to date whatever number of women you would wish to marry. After all, the last time I checked, polygamy is allowed in Kenya. What I don’t agree with is keeping it a secret. When I am on the highway, let me know about those on the service lane and feeder lanes. It helps a lot when adjusting our side mirrors. We know when to slow down, when to stop and when to accelerate. 

To you the friends of our men, if you know about the other woman and you decide to keep it to yourself, then don’t start giving us false hopes and insane praises because the day he goes down, you will go down with him. See now, my ex’s friends are on my list of shame, if only they had cooperated.

I am older and wiser now. I have a third eye and seventh sense. No one plays with my feelings any more.

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