Girl code: When ‘killing’ the messenger feels good

Would you tell on someone if you caught them cheating on their spouse or would you ‘mind your own business’?

One time back in college, I got myself on the wrong side of a friendship when I took it upon myself to tell my friend that her man was cheating on her. I was one of quite a number of friends who had caught her man ‘pants down’ but none of us had been brave enough (or so I thought) to tell our friend -- until I bowed to pressure and told her.

In the end, I became the common enemy and lost the friendship. The two actually accused me of wanting to break them up because I was jealous! I learnt that I am better off minding my own business.

This reminds me of a neighbour who kept fighting with her husband. Most of the time, we would rush in to help and stop the fight before it got messy. Her screams would alert us that all wasn’t well and we would rush in and save the day. Somehow, this lady never left the marriage. If anything, she and her husband grew closer each day.

Nothing has ever confused me more than that marriage. One time, they got into an argument and, as was the norm, some of us rushed in to save the day. I was among the first to ‘check in’ and announce my presence by screaming my lungs out at the man who wanted to hit his wife. I don’t know where I got the courage from but I stood between them and dared the man to make a move as I maintained eye contact with him just to be sure what direction to take in case he made a move.

As I stood there trying to shield the woman, she came from behind me, pushed me aside and warned me not to shout at her husband. For a moment, I was confused. I ended up looking like a fool standing between them. Were it not for the chief who showed up almost immediately, they would have probably ganged up against me, put me inside a bucket and thrown me far away.

This got me thinking, why do we always make excuses for those who put us through hell? If I catch your partner cheating on you and come to report him to you, why would you form a team and knock me out?

I have never recovered from the above experience even though I know true friends deserve to know the truth about their partners. The question is, are you ready to sacrifice your friendship in case things take a different turn? Society has turned into a ‘see no evil, hear no evil’ one. Everyone is walking around claiming they are minding their own business.

I know how hard it is to digest some of the sensitive information we get about our partners but I wish we could handle the information with some soberness. I am not going to blame anyone for taking drastic measures because they were told one or two horrible things about their partners. I have been in such a situation.

One time a friend of mine called me to tell me that she had seen a beautiful woman basking in the sun at my ex-boyfriend’s balcony. He lived next to the road, so his balcony was in everyone’s plain sight. My friend claimed the woman was in shorts and was drinking wine from a glass. By then, I had already parted ways with this man but the thought of a beautiful woman sitting at the balcony I once sat in broke my heart into tiny pieces! Honestly, I nearly took a bus just to drag that beautiful woman out of that house.

I took out my anger on my friend. How dare she call me to break such horrible news to me! I picked my phone, called her and gave her the hardest piece of my mind. I am still not sure what I told her, all I know is that we have never spoken since then. I must have said some really nasty stuff to her!

Anyway, I am still trying to figure out why we get angry at the messenger and spare the offender when it comes to matters love. Do we really have to make excuses for people who treat us wrong?

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