How to handle a selfish person

I remember the last time I came across someone who was blatantly selfish. Blatantly because they knew they were selfish and didn’t apologize for it. Everything they did was for their own benefit and they paid little to no regard to others. I admit, I was shaken. I couldn’t understand how any human being could be so self-centered that even when you pointed out how they were hurting you, they didn’t care.

According to Psychology Today, someone who is selfish is purely concerned about themselves and they aim to gain from every situation without regard to how their actions affect others.

Characteristics of a selfish person

1. They have a hard time accepting that they’re wrong.

2. They will only help others or do something if they’re going to benefit from it.

3. You never see their weak side. 

4. They hardly consider how their actions affect others.

5. Things can only be done their way or not at all.

We’ve all come into contact with people who fall in the above description. I’m sure that at one point or the other, we were a bit selfish. However, healthy selfishness involves a healthy dose of self-love, self-compassion and self-confidence. An overdose of this can lead to arrogance and narcissistic behaviour.

So how do you handle people whose selfishness is bringing you down?

1. Don’t go down to their level

It can be tempting to repay bad with bad. However, don’t fall into that temptation. As difficult as it might be, repay their selfishness with kindness. Focus on your true self and avoid stooping to their level.

2. Accept them as they are

Selfish people hardly ever change. When dealing with them, accept that this is who they are and that there’s nothing you can do to change them. They might have moments when they are caring and charming but all in all, their needs will always come first. Understanding this will help quell any expectations you might have that they can change.

3. Reduce the time you spend together

Where possible distance yourself from the selfish person. Their negative energy will drain you and ultimately make you miserable. If you can’t physically reduce the amount of time you spend together, say if the selfish person is a family member, deny them the attention that they’re seeking. In conversations, be non-committal instead of making comments that enable the selfish person to continue talking about themselves. 

4. Point out how annoying their behaviour is

Instead of sulking or yelling at them that they don’t listen to you, ask them if they’re willing to listen to you since you need to speak to someone. You might not be able to steer them clear of their selfish behaviour but you can get their attention for the duration that you need it.

5. Give yourself the attention that you crave

A selfish person pays so much attention to themselves that they fail to notice others around them. Take care of yourself, get your hair and nails done and dress up to feel your best. Read and improve your skills, move up the career ladder and grow your social life. This will help grow your self-confidence and deny the selfish person the opportunity to drain you emotionally.