Relationship:Why won’t my girlfriend have sex with me?

Dear Coleen,

I’ve been with my girlfriend for over three years now and I love her dearly.For the first year, our sex life was fantastic.

We used to make love day and night but things started to change towards the end of the first year.

She’s completely gone off sex, which has naturally caused friction between us. She says we can do it once a month “if I’m lucky”, which I never am.

She’d be happy to go through the entire year without sex. She just can’t be bothered and it leaves me very frustrated.

I’ve tried talking to her about it but she just shuts me down and says “I don’t want to talk about it again”.

Then I say, “If you don’t want to talk about it, do something about it”.

But she doesn’t want to do either!

If I don’t talk about our sex life she won’t bring it up because it’s never at the forefront of her mind.

I wouldn’t ever cheat on her because that’s not the type of man I am.

However, this can’t go on any longer, as it’s driving me insane. I’ve got needs to consider. What do you suggest?

Coleen says..

I suggest you think about whether you want to continue with the relationship. Sex isn’t everything but it is important for you to be on the same level with it.

If you’re part of a couple where each of you is happy with having sex once a month, then great.

But if one of you wants more then it’s a massive problem and it’s very early on in your relationship to have encountered this.

You have to think long and hard, not just about now, but about what your future might be like if you stay with your girlfriend.

Be really honest with yourself on this. As much as you love her, can you see the rest of your life without sex in it?

Sometimes you have to let your head rule your heart.

You say you’d never cheat, but how long for? At what point will it really start to get to you?

You have to be clear with her, too.

Tell her that you love her but be clear that, unless you can sort out the sexual aspect, then it’s never going to work in the long term.

You deserve to know why she’s unwilling to make love. And don’t be fobbed off.

If she continues to refuse to discuss it and won’t make any effort to improve things, what choice do you have but to walk away?