How to let go and free yourself

Pain is a human standardizer. Everyone feels it and speaks of how deep it cuts. Whether it is caused by the demise of a loved one, a break up or loss of something of value, we soon realize that holding on to pain causes our stagnation.

Letting go is a conscious decision you have to make in your attempt to move forward. It is such a personal decision that is the line between your peace and numerous sleepless nights.

How exactly can you let go and set yourself as free as a bird?

1. Allow yourself to feel negative emotions

Blocking your emotions is not a guarantee that you will feel less pain. If anything, it only acts as a catalyst, fuelling your pain waiting to explode. You have to accept and allow yourself to feel the pain. In this way, you slowly coach your system that you are accepting the painful occurrence instead of denying it ever happened.

Cry it out, call a friend and talk about the nitty gritty of the event. This tactic is also effective in trauma recovery, since the more you relive and retell the painful occurrence the lesser it stops haunting you and you begin controlling how you feel about it.

2. Accept the things you cannot change

However painful your loss is, there are always two sides of the coin; what you had control over and what you didn’t. Teach yourself to accept those things that cannot change. This will lessen the guilt you feel and help you take responsibility of your actions and decisions. Thus, you will embark on the path to recovery.

3. Separate your identity from your loss

Many at times after a loss, we still derive our identity from it. You may still refer to yourself as an ‘ex’ for example. Learn to rebrand and carve a new identity for yourself. The new identity should be exclusively about you, without any attachment to your past.

Once you start envisioning yourself independent from the hurtful occurrence, you stop being haunted by the ghosts from your past. You begin to concentrate on the future self, a new opportunity to make something new.

4. Learn a new self-satisfying skill

As a way of letting go, you have to devise a method of diverting your grieving energy to something else. Go ahead and choose an activity that suits your personality or something extremely new and exciting. All these things should be geared towards making you feel better. Finding new activities like yoga, going to the gym, painting or skiing will release endorphins which will make you feel happier.

5. Throw away your troubles, metaphorically

For the extremely practical diehards, this one is for you. Get some paper. Write the item or person you have lost on individual pieces. Literally, throw them away as far as you can, one by one. You can decide to donate to someone else who is far away or burn the reminders of your sour experience. This practical solution leaves an imprint in your mind, an indication that you have let go of what wass holding you hostage.

6. Focus on what you learnt from the experiences

It is easy to progress with only the negatives that a painful experience impacted on us. Change tact and start seeing the positive lessons the hurt has taught you. It gives you a different viewpoint and enables you appreciate your loss. It is also a foundation for new principles as you build a new sense of self. You will know what to do differently in the future.

7. Create a new vision board that has no past contents

Vision boards are an easy way to write your dreams and constantly refer to them as they are kept within sight. Draft a new one, which does not involve your past. Much as it will be hard to envision yourself without your past experience, forging a new path kickstarts your freedom. Start small and gradually add new dreams that are entirely focused on you and what you wish to achieve.

8. Seek professional help

At times, dealing with hurt and learning a new way of life needs support. Even as you surround self with a better support system, visiting a professional therapist plays a better role in your improvement. Book a session and be ready to open up your can of worms. From their training, they will be able to advise accordingly.

Remember that letting go gives you more relief than anything else. Acceptance, forgiveness and moving on, all empower you to be a better version of yourself. That way, your new life becomes more meaningful and enjoyable.