When a man is your mentor

Owing to emergence of the Me-Too movement in 2017, fewer men have shown willingness to work closely with female colleagues.

New research by LeanIn.org finds that 60 per cent of male managers are uncomfortable mentoring or working with women in the post-Me-too era.

This notwithstanding, David Smith, author of ‘Athena Rising: How and Why Men Should Mentor Women’, writes that there are benefits – on both sides – when men mentor women.

“Women advance faster (and) men increase their interpersonal skills,” he writes.

Suzie Wokabi, founder and CEO of SuzieBeauty, a beauty products company acknowledges that mentorship is important.

But there is no doubt that Me-Too has been a game-changer. It is also true that perverted minds lurk in the corporate world.

How then can a woman ensure that she picks the lessons (and not abuse) from a male mentor?

As a woman, it is always important to take note of the fact that when you are being mentored by a man, gender dynamics are also in play. History is replete with women being abused by bosses who take advantage of their determination to learn and grow in the corporate world. Hence, Suzie says, women have to go into such mentorship having set the rules from the onset.

She says: “Make it clear that you are not interested in any inappropriate relationship and that you are a professional. As such every interaction between the two parties will be based on mutual respect. Act, talk and communicate these from day one. Earn that respect.”

According to Joanne Mwangi of Professional Marketing Services Group (PMS) Group, it is important that when a woman is being mentored by a man it is imperative that Human Resource be adequately informed.

 HR, she says, would act as a neutral witness to the relationship between the mentor and the mentee. HR, in this case, will be able to protect the mentee. Making it clear to the mentor what would be inappropriate in their interaction.

Knowing everything you do about the me-too era, would you take up an opportunity to be mentored by a man?

According to Suzie, mentorship is not a male or female thing. “I don’t choose who mentors me based on their gender,” she says. “My favourite bosses have been men.”

As long as one is respectful and professional, Suzie would not mind learning from them: following them around and studying how they get work done.

This, she says, is how a mentee should approach mentorship. By focussing on the lessons to be learnt. Make sure that the mentorship works for both the mentor and mentee, facilitating honest conversations to ensure the mentorship is working and fulfilling on agreed outcomes.

One can receive mentorship by listening to their mentor’s advice. This will require a lot of one-on-one meetings.

There is a different way to effectively learn from mentorship while avoiding a lot of those meetings. It is through observation.

Watch how this person enters the meeting room, introduces themselves and manages others, for example.

Actions speak louder than words. So, cultivate discipline to see the details in what they say and do.

It should not end there though: after you have observed their actions, internalise what you have seen. Reflect on it.

While analysing what you have observed, maintain an open mind so that you would be able to critique how they did it and if there is a better way to go about it.

You want to derive as much as possible from your mentor. You need them to divulge enough for you to learn from.

Setting the rules for mutual respect is definitely one of the ways to get there. Because, remember, you wouldn’t want your mentor to start focusing on the comforts of an inappropriate relationship. They would be distracted and disjointed.

Ruth Mawia, a business woman, is currently being mentored by individuals from both sexes. She says insisting on mutual respect from the beginning is important.

However, she says, it may be important not to be carried by one’s empowerment.

“Being a woman may be tempting to push around men because of wanting to prove a point,” she says.

While it is not wrong to feel powerful, pushing around a male mentor may not get him dishing out his wisdom and thus would work against the one being mentored.

While mentors can certainly help make the strengths even stronger, it's usually even more valuable to have someone who can give advice in areas where you're struggling.

“It’s important for a mentor to supplement the strengths that the entrepreneur brings to the table.

“For example – I came to the game as a strong technologist, but had to learn about the science of enterprise sales, finance/operations, etc.

“An entrepreneur should always select a mentor that fills the gaps in his/her experience and skill set,” Jyoti Bansal, founder and CEO of BIG Labs, told Forbes in an interview.

If you ask Mary Muthoni, a director at Kenya National Chamber of Commerce and Industry, mentorship is important for anyone who wants to climb to higher levels.

But in a situation where a woman is being mentored by a man it is important for the woman to be alert and assertive.

“Be ready mentally, psychologically and emotionally,” she says. “If your intention is to make progress you will need to show commitment.”

She adds that the mentee needs to be smart: know how to navigate complex situations, be courageous, take risks and manage any arising ambiguity.

Being a mentee is not a passive role. It is your job to define your own goals, cultivate the relationship, seek out advice, attend meetings, and so on.