×
The Standard Group Plc is a multi-media organization with investments in media platforms spanning newspaper print operations, television, radio broadcasting, digital and online services. The Standard Group is recognized as a leading multi-media house in Kenya with a key influence in matters of national and international interest.
  • Standard Group Plc HQ Office,
  • The Standard Group Center,Mombasa Road.
  • P.O Box 30080-00100,Nairobi, Kenya.
  • Telephone number: 0203222111, 0719012111
  • Email: [email protected]

Six tips to make co-parenting easier

Parenting

One of the toughest questions I have asked myself since becoming a single mum is how to effectively bring up my child in as normal a way as possible. I want nothing more than her to have a good relationship with her dad because what little girl or boy doesn’t want to walk around boasting that her dad did this or bought her that?

However, every time I think about speaking to my ex, my heart aches. In spite of how much time has passed since we broke up, I can’t seem to find a middle ground. The memories of all the hurtful things that were said and done are all too fresh. It’s like a wound that keeps reopening every time I see a text from him, even those that expressly refer to our child.

Co-parenting is hard. It’s even harder when you are still hurting post-breakup, when all you want to do is forget this person exists and move on with your life. But this little human you both made needs the two of you no matter how much of an ogre you think your ex is. So, I did my research and of course, have been trying to put the ideas that I got into practice, and got some tips to help you co-parent.

1. Create boundaries

Like any couple, you both need to heal from your breakup. That’s the only way you will be able to move past the hurt and get to a place where you can be amicable towards each other.

So, give each other space to go through the seven stages of grief. When you talk, keep it about the baby. Avoid dredging up the past. Your relationship is over so you should only be invested in aspects of your ex’s life that affect your child.

Once you get over the hurt, you will find it easier to be friendly towards each other.

2. Try and be as normal as possible for the baby

When you speak to your ex, smile and be amicable. I know it’s hard, trust me, I’ve been there. Trying to pretend to still like this person who you wish the earth would open up and swallow is an uphill task.

If you find it hard to talk in a civil manner, keep your conversations over text or email. This will help you control your emotions and give you enough time to react in a rational manner.

Remember, your child needs to see the two of you having a good relationship even if you aren’t together anymore.

3. Have a life

When I was newly single, I worried so much about finding a new partner. “Who would want to date someone with so much baggage?” I asked myself. But a friend of mine pushed me to go out, interact with new people, visit new places, learn a new skill, etc., basically, get involved in activities outside mum life.

Allow your ex to have the same. You shouldn’t boast about dates that you’re going on and avoid asking your ex who he/she was with last night when you called and he didn’t pick up.

4. Speak positively about your ex

One of my biggest fears is my daughter hating her dad. Unfortunately, she has seen me at my lowest, post-breakup. She has seen my tears and she knows he caused them. Even so, I try my best to be as positive about him as I can.

It’s important to point out your ex’s positive qualities, allowing your child to see him (or her) as a hero and not a villain. Don’t transfer you feelings of hatred to your child. They too deserve a chance to form an unbiased opinion on their other parent.

5. Use technology

These days, there are so many apps that can make co-parenting easier. For instance, map out your child’s calendar online and allow the other parent access to it. You can make adjustments on visits and holiday plans pertaining to your child as the need arises.

A digital diary will help you keep a record of your child’s life and help each parent feel like they are a part of that life.

6. Get to know your ex’s new flame

Somewhere down the line, you will both move on. Your new partner will become a part of your child’s life as will your ex’s new flame.

When the time is right, introduce your new significant other to your child’s other parent. Please keep it classy and be civilised when you meet the new girlfriend/boyfriend. This person could end up being your child’s step-parent and part of your family so it’s best to accept them right from the start.

These are just some ideas to get you started on this journey of co-parenting. Do you have any other tips? Do share them in the comments below.

In one sentence, how would you sum up the internet?

Related Topics