Every so often, I receive messages asking about painful love making. Today’s article is dedicated to those who are having painful coitus due to fibroids.
Fibroids are non-cancerous tumors. The most common ones grow inside the uterus (intramural), while others grow outside the uterus (sub serosal), sometimes with a stalk that causes them to hang down like a fruit. This means that sexual activity can be painful and felt in different ways/places.
In addition, some women may have bloated bellies, bleed heavily or have pain during their periods but may never know that they have fibroids. For these women - and all women, really - my first recommendation is that you visit a doctor. It may be fibroids, it may be something else or it may be nothing. Whatever the case, your knowledge will be your power to contribute to a better, pain-free sex life.
Let’s talk about some things that you can do or avoid for more enjoyable sex.
1.Do consider an over-the-counter lubricant, aka lube.
Why? Because part of the pain that you’re experiencing could be due to the honey pot being dry or tight, either of which could be because of the discomfort of the fibroids themselves or anxiety about what it will feel like, especially if you have already experienced painful intimacy. Using lube will change the sensations, which should help you relax and enjoy.
Which kind of lube should you use?- This is up to you, but here are some considerations: Water-based lubricants are easy to use, easy to wash off, affordable and will not damage a condom. Some do have some sugar content (glycerine) which can cause itching and trigger a yeast infection and require re-application. Silicon-based lubricants last longer and have a good glide/slipperiness and again, they will not damage a condom. However, they may require greater effort washing off. Even though I generally advise against them, oil-based lubricants are generally fine but they can stain, cause irritation or yeast infections, and will damage a condom.
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What you will need: Time to do the research (as little as 10 minutes) and some money to purchase the lube.
2. Do not, under any circumstance, skip or rush through foreplay
I know this may sound obvious to some people but too often, the excitement of sex causes people to skip or rush through this step and on to “the main event”. If you have fibroids and painful lovemaking, you need foreplay, and not just because it’s enjoyable. You need to give your body time to relax and experience enjoyable sensations, which will probably be different from the bloating, stretching, tense sensations that fibroids typically cause.
What you will need: An open mind and a patient and fun partner. Fibroids cause physical, emotional and psychological tension. The last thing you need is a partner - or self - that adds to that. Develop a sense of fun and let your partner do the same, so you can get on with loving in a way that actually feels good. After all, it’s called PLAY for a reason.
3. Do explore other ways to be intimate.
Shockingly (not really), there are multiple ways to have intercourse. Think about it: Traditional intercourse, going through the back door and this is in addition to foreplay acts. I know some of you are blushing or cringing right now but honestly, when it comes to your sex life, you are obligated to explore the full spectrum so you can decide what will work for you.
What you will need: The willingness to grin, blush or cringe through the process of sex discovery so you can make a choice of what excites you the most.
4. Switch it up
Intercourse when you have fibroids may require that you switch things up in the bedroom. If a particular position is painful, stop and try another. Revisit the previous position after you’ve been at it for a while and see if it still hurts. If it does, then maybe that position is not for you. If it doesn’t, then now you know that you can ease into it. Remember, too, that you can modify some positions so that they can work better for you.
What you will need: A sense of adventure. Try different positions or modifications to identity which gives the most pleasure with least or no pain.
Ladies, your genetic disposition may have handed you a lemon but you can make many glasses of love making lemonade and reclaim your sex life. Wishing you all a happier, less-painful, more pleasurable intercourse.