I stumbled upon some programme called ‘90 Day Fiance’ the other Saturday, while waiting for the EPL to kick off early in the afternoon.
Before any of my long term readers begin to imagine I’ve gone all LYBGT-sympathy (or any other of that American emo-crap, when the real Enemy to us and our kids is all that dough the Chinese are lending us), let me be clear that it was the Eiffel Tower that caught my eye.
This cool black American guy was in Paris being led a merry cock-and-tease by a modern Muslim chick called Myrriam. Anyway, I ended up watching 45 minutes of this woman’s show. And it was quite captivating.
Basically, the premise was mad American men and crazy white women from the USA chasing down ‘lovers’ they had met on the Internet to all corners of the world, from Brazil to the Philippines. Their hope being after three months to bring these foreigners back home (America) as their husbands/wives.
It got me thinking of our own Kenyan situation, as winter (and the holiday break) starting mid-November to mid-January in the northern hemisphere, begins to bring all sorts of weather refugees to our shores. And some of these weather runaways are seriously looking for ‘love.’ The most common lot are older white men after younger black women in Africa.
In the show I watched, this black and pretty 20-year-old called Abby from Haiti, is a dealer in American mitumba. She met this white desperado called Sean on the Internet, and by the time they met in real life (flesh to flesh), the fellow had spent nearly USD12,000 (Sh1.2 million) buying her stock across three months, yet he himself is as broke as a church mouse.
Many of the wazungus who come to prey/look for mapenzi at the Coast can be pervs who have saved all year for that three-week holiday in Watamu or Mombasa. Sometimes the tables are turned on them, and you find a white chap in Mtwapa drinking palm wine, after blowing all his pension on malayas since he got here on Friday, December 1, 2017.
Many moons later, on Monday, October 22, 2018, he goes to the bank to find he’s out of both cash and credit. But if he survives the depression, he can always write a story ‘Mombasa Raha.’ (Sub title – How I Blew My USD160, 000 Life Savings in 325 Days of High Living in Kenya).
White women are also often victims to smooth talking ‘Maasai’ warriors (who are often nothing more than woman eating acrobats from elsewhere). The only difference is that seldom will the white lady have sold her house back in Germany. One of these white ladies even exploited her exploitation, writing a book called Der Weisse Masai (The White Masai) that was made into a movie, and sold 4 million copies worldwide, making the wise woman a tonne of money. And to think that the ‘villain’ in the tale, Lketinga, wasn’t even Maasai but Samburu!
But I have saved the fire of my ire for our very own local ‘winter bunnies’ –- those funny creatures out there in the ‘Diaspora’ who land just before December, like homing pigeons, to promise love and the world (the USA) to Nairobi girls smelling dollars, and naïve village girls in the city, ready to swallow lies. Some of those American dollars you are smelling smell of hamburger (from the flipping), or else the bum of a 98-year-old white man called Al Zheimer Parkinsons in Alabama.
But, seriously, I have always wondered about those guys who are away, and single, in the USA for ten or many more years. But when it is time for you to marry, you want to come and try reclaim your high school sweetheart from that solid Meru man she is engaged to; or drive to Shimakoko village in Banyamulenge Province to take Truphosa, (the village beauty you have never met), back with you in your suitcase to ‘the States’ (because now you are a citizen).
You live in the ATL (Atlanta), or Boston, or Texas, or California, or Minnesota (which our omogusiis love). Forget whites! And you want to tell me you can’t bring an Asian, Black American, Hispanic, Latino, Red Indian or even an Eskimo from Alaska, home as your bride?
Some even bring home members of the same sex back to the village. ‘This is my lesbian partner, dad,’ she says.
‘Ahhh,’ mzee says. ‘I’m proud of you daughter. Kumbe umeanza biashara na Lebanese?’