Nothing spoils the joy of getting back home from work more than a nagging husband. Please don’t tell me about nagging wives, today we are talking about husbands. Dearest husbands, we are as human as you. We don’t use batteries that charge during the day then come back home ready to show how strong we are.
Having tried out marriage at some point in my life, I can say evenings were the most tiring hours. Imagine getting home at the same time as your husband after sitting in traffic for two hours following a busy day at work. Both of you are tired to the bone and all you want is dive into a jacuzzi and relax. But no, he will drop on the seat right after he enters the house and as you struggle to unzip your tight trouser so that you can finally breathe properly, he will shout. “Please get me some cold water. Put some ice cubes in it.”
I mean, seriously, we just got in together and even before I remove my wig, you are already sending me up and down. What does it cost a man to just walk to the fridge and get himself a glass of water? Or are men prone to electrocution by the fridge and we don’t know?
Anyway, the obedient you will limp to the fridge due to effects of the heels you had on the whole day. And you will get him a glass of water with ice cubes like the good wife that you are. Then later on, you will drag your feet to the bedroom to start fighting your tight clothes off your body...the tight clothes that you wear beneath your clothes to bring out the great figure that you have always wanted.
When you have delivered the ice cold water and are finally breathing normally, you walk to the kitchen to make dinner. As you chop your vegetables, you will walk out of the kitchen then quickly walk back, peep at your husband and change your plans.
Just when you’re getting into the chopping rhythm as you watch the ugali water boiling, he will confidently say from his perch on the sofa, “I feel like eating chapati.”
Even though you hear this, you hope within you that you are hearing voices and keep chopping your vegetables. Then he will say it again, “I feel like eating chapatti and beef”. That’s when you feel like running back into your mother’s womb and staying there till kingdom comes! Why can’t these men just work with what is available? Do they even know the hustle that comes with changing cooking plans?
Still, like the good wife your mother raised you to be, you will breathe in and out, sigh and whisper, “Okay,” then start working on the chapatis. Remember, you haven’t even rested one minute. You gather the little strength in you and start kneading the dough and just before you start rolling them, another order comes from the bedroom, “Can I get some hot water in a bucket? I need to take a bath.”
If God hadn’t given women big hearts, this is the point most of us would have packed our belongings and run back home wailing. But no, we swallow the rage within, fetch the man the hot water then go back to the kitchen to start on the chapatis. Just when you have caught the momentum in rolling and cooking them, you hear another shout from the bathroom. “Hey, did you check the expiry date for this soap? It smells funny.”
So now you are trying hard not to answer but the love of your life isn’t giving up. “The soap smells funny. Come and smell it,” You quickly shove one chapati on the pan, accidentally splashing hot oil on your hand and letting out a scream. You tell him you got burnt and all he says is. “Sorry. Now please come and tell me if this soap is ok.”
Later in the night, you serve him his meal and he is all upbeat, ready to tell all the funny stories he has heard during the day yet you are close to dosing off as you try to swallow your food. Just when you think everything is said and done and you shut your eyelids to sleep, he will tap you on the shoulder and whisper.
“Turn around baby, face this side.” Dear women, if we have never fainted at this point, then we will never faint!
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