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Could this be the reason I am still single?

Living

I know the society believes that women should enjoy cooking since it’s supposed to be part of their daily activities. I however would like to speak for myself about this issue since I have never really been a fan of the kitchen. Don’t mix this up with eating though, that’s my passion. What happens to food before it gets to the stage where we can devour it is what not my cup of tea is. I however love being in the kitchen just to give the chefs motivation and play an errand girl. I will be quick to pass the salt, add water to a sufuria, pass the kitchen cloth and bring the onions close to you. Just don’t tell me to chop the onions. I will sit there and sing and dance as I give each of the chefs a round of applause praising their cooking prowess. I will also offer to present the food on the table, in fact, I will be willing to walk from the kitchen to the table transporting the food however long the distance is.

People of my kind tend to get hungry very fast and the thought of the cooking process makes them full as fast. We are rarely patient with meals and are never particular on how it’s made. Even if you want to put pepper in chapatti, so be it. Just bring us the end product and ease our hunger. Many times I have used water meant to cook ugali in cooking rice. I place a sufuria with water meant for ugali on fire and when it boils, I start thinking of the energy I would need to make the ugali and just like that, I change my mind and make rice. When you are rolling chapatti and we are there giving you motivation, we don’t expect you to destroy a chapatti that hasn’t taken the round shape and start reshaping it. Just make us whichever shape you want, we are not on this earth to feed on shapes. Make them oval, triangular; it can even take the shape of an amoeba if it wants, we shall not disappoint when it comes to feeding on them.

Contrary to what many people believe, those of us who are not friends of the kitchen can equally keep a man now that the way to man’s heart is through his stomach. The same motivation we give to chefs who love doing it is what we also need. Only we need motivation in how the cooking area looks like. Most of the time, we prefer cooking where we love spending time and kitchen isn’t one of them. Personally, you will either find me chopping onions in the living room or preparing vegetables on the staircase. I make tea with hot tap water other than heating it on fire. My chapattis are rolled on the coffee table as I watch my favourite programme and after all is said and done, I don’t give much thought to where I will settle to eat. What I am sure of is that you will never find me having a meal on the dining table, unless at gun point. If I am not feeding from the balcony, then I am seated somewhere at my door trying to see if there is any neighbour around to come and help me eat. I always feel like a hero after cooking and were it not for the fact that I am humble, I would have been calling press conferences once in a while to beat my own drums. Yes, I am a very humble woman just in case you thought my fingers slipped the first time.

Now I know most people will start telling me that I am not a wife material, no, I am wife material number one. Only that I haven’t men that one man who will understand my cooking. Since there is somebody out there for everybody, I believe my husband is out there trying to figure out what it takes to motivate a wife who loves eating but hates cooking. I know there is a man out there who will let me chop onions in the bedroom and swing my hips with them back to the kitchen to cook. There is a man out there building a gazebo behind our maisonette in readiness for random kitchen works. I know and I am sure that cooking is not the reason I am not married yet, maybe talking is. I talk too much, maybe I have been taking down my potential suitors.

 

 

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