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Looking forward to having a memorable sex experience this festive season? Here are three Ps to help you achieve that

Between The Sheets

During the holiday season, it is not unusual to notice a change in your sexual experience. The stress of rushing to meet deadlines, traveling, hosting visitors, the financial strain of the season, the revival of old feuds, family tension or even the feeling that you have not met your yearly goals can all threaten to derail your sex life.  However, these can also be opportunities for you to make the sorts of decisions that can positively impact your sex life.

 Here are 3 P’s that should help you have a happier holiday season.

Prioritise: If you only have sex when the moment is right, when the mood is right or when everything is going according to plan, then you might as well forget about having sex indefinitely. If you’re Kenyan or have been living in Kenya in 2017, then I bet you heard statements such as “let’s wait until after elections” back in August 2017! Who could have guessed that there would be yet another election just two months later, or that it would bring with it all the upheaval and discord that came with the extended political season? Probably no one! The stress from all that, and the futility of waiting for just the right moment, could serve as a lesson in prioritising your responsibilities and your wishes because we really never know when the next right moment will be. Remember, sex is important to your physical, emotional, psychological and even financial well being so make it a priority.  

Plan: Prioritising sex means planning ahead so you can increase your chances of connecting sexually with your partner. If you know that you have visitors coming over, make a concerted effort to plan around that. If you don’t plan, you will end up frustrated and wondering why you’re feeling disconnected and unhappy when you just spent so much time and money on other people. To put it another way, if you can plan to take a holiday, plan to host visitors, plan activities for the children, plan on what to wear to your office party, plan that road trip with your friends or family then why can’t you plan on when (or even where) you will make time to connect sexually with your partner?

If your house is full of people, it might be a good use of your time and money to escape to a different location. If your house is full of children, it might be a good use of your time and money to send them off to a play date for a couple of hours. Free advice: resist the temptation to plan something grandiose or time-consuming. Remember: K.I.S.S (Keep It Sweet & Simple). If you’re pressed for time, work with what you’ve got and take things from there. Besides, certain things can be added to make it special if that’s what you’re going for. For example, take away food, flowers, chocolate or whatever else you both like that makes your time together special. Sometimes all that will be needed will be the two of you and some privacy. Whatever the case, go for it!  

Play: This holiday season, have a little fun! If you were to look back at your most enjoyable sexperiences, you would discover that they were likely the spontaneous, unexpected, fun-filled ones. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with planning. As a matter of fact, I am a firm believer that if a couple refuses to plan for their sex lives, they are planning not to have sex. However, there really needs to be room for spontaneity and cheekiness and a little adventure. There is something to be said for doing something that you feel/know you’re not supposed to be doing. People find that unexpected sex in unexpected places is highly erotic and exciting. It’s as though you and your partner are telling each other that you can’t wait for later. Playful sex plays on the idea of heightened desire; “I have to have you now!” and I am yet to meet a human being who does not like to feel desired by their partner.  

This holiday season, I wish you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Sexually speaking, I urge you to borrow from the famous Nike slogan and “Just Do It!”

Maggie Gitu holds an MA in Marriage & Family Therapy and practices as a Marriage, Family & Sex Therapist. Maggie can be reached at [email protected] or via her Facebook page: Maggie Gitu.

What is something you accomplished this year that you are proud of?

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